Please suggest me on my cheating husband

Assalamu-alikum


I never thought life would be so unpredictable. I am in confusion, not able to decide about my husbands loyalty in our relationship.

My story in brief:

I got married in 2000 and it was an arrange marriage.I have two kids a girl/9 year and a boy/5year. Mine was a happy and blessed family until june 4 2012. My husband a Haji and performs 5times namaz. Who was very caring and faithful to me. He was so concerned about me that when ever I fell sick he used say "your health is very important for our family and I can't imagine my life without you". He was so thankful to me for my support in his life. He was thinking second marriage as a shameful act which make the life worst...
    Now he is changed, He is following a A married muslim woman, who is a colleague of him, he started admiring her
even though she doesn't ware hijab or perform namaz who did a love marriage eloped with her boy friend, who does all awful acts which are not meant for a muslim woman.
My husband thought she is the best for him as a second wife and he started teasing her, following her every where and he was so desperate that he managed to know all her past life. He started mailing her with a new email id and created a facebook account for her, when the lady rejected his friend request saying "make your wife or your sister as your Fan on Facebook" my husband felt discouraged and started friendship with her brother on facebook.Praising him and writing admiring qoutes about her country, so that he can get her back at least as a family friend.

To All of your surprise my husband was sharing each and everything with me stating that I am his friend( which was very painful for a wife hear)when I got shocked about his changed behavior
I stated fight with him and I became sick, the same guy who can't Imagine his life without me started seeing other woman with a lust fought back stating that Islam allow four marriages. Now he is completely changed, he doesn't care my tears or my health. He feels what ever he does is right and he doesn't repent on his act. I told him many times that it is haram in islam to see woman with lust.

Please Can any one tell me.. Allah made the rule to marry four women just satisfy sexual needs. Is it permisable to a male to see a woman with lust or show interest in her personal life or teas her to satisfy himself, even though he has an obedient, namazi wife and two beautiful kids.

Is this common to every man that when ever his wife goes on trip he start seeing other woman to satisfy his lust?
And Allah won't punish them for this awful acts? My husband thinks that every man thinks and feels in the same way what he feels about that woman, and he is more refined of all by sharing his acts with his wife without hiding anything.

How can I get back my husband as a caring and loving dad and husband.
Please suggest me how can I come over with this situation? Its became traumatic not able sleep or eat thinking about my husbands obedience in our 12 year long relation ship. I am Praying to Allah for safety of our relation, I know he is the better healer, but still i am so tensed and searching for means to correct my husband.

Edited by muslimwoman - 26 July 2012 at 3:35pm

Your husband's behavior is not proper and has lead to an overwhelming infatuation of this woman, that if not somehow put in check will likely lead to destroying his family, whom he no doubt loves, but unfortunately, he is now out of control.  You are understandably hurt by his inappropriate emotional affair evidenced through tears, fighting and inability to eat.  Do your best to keep your emotions in check, not only for the benefit of your children, who must be also suffering, but you will need to discuss in a rational manner with your husband how his behavior will lead to you leaving the marriage.  Even though there is a great deal of shame you must feel - let him know you will go to his family and religious leaders in the community to stop his destructive behavior, for his sake, and that of his kids and yourself.  No woman has to live in a polygamous situation.  Our Prophet didn't want this for his daughter - saying that 'what hurts Fatima, also hurts me'.  If you are unable to live with knowing your husband is sleeping with another women you have the right to leave the marriage.   Now is the time to harness your energy and be as proactive as possible, within what is religiously allowed, to put a stop to his nonsense.  Men are very fickle, and he is now acting like a child who needs someone to help set limits on his behavior before he hurts himself. 

Eating and exercise is very important for you at this emotional time in your life.  This world is a test for each of us, and this will make you a better and stronger Muslimah, insha'Allah.  Have patience and continue to make dua.  Focus on your children and develop some hobby or interest to help take your mind off your troubles.  I ask Allah, Most High, to give you success in dealing with your marital problems and that your husband returns to proper conduct towards his family.

It was narrated on the authority of �Abdullah ibn Mas�ud (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah(may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, �No Muslim is touched by any worry, or sadness, and says:  "O Allah, I am your bondservant, son of your bondsman, and son of your bondswoman. My forelock is in Your Hands; Your judgment is continuously being carried out upon me; Your sentence upon me is just. I ask You with every name that is Yours, with which You have named Yourself, brought down in Your book, taught to one of Your creation, or have preferred for Yourself in the hidden knowledge, with You: that You make the Qur�an the spring of my heart, and the light of my chest, and the dispelling of my sadness, and deportation of my concern" except that Allah dispels his worry and replaces his sadness with relief.

Sister, I know that I asked my husband three times on different occasions what I needed to do to be a better wife. His reply was that I was always a perfect wife. Wallahi.  Look, more times than not men who are off the path like this behave like this because of selfish reasons.  Muslimah if his reasons are selfish then alot of times there is nothing you can do that will change his mind. 

Edited by lady - 28 July 2012 at 2:19am