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Family Matter
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Message Icon Topic: Husband want to mary a second wife Post Reply Post New Topic
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Joined: 02 February 2012
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Quote Maryam43 Replybullet Topic: Husband want to mary a second wife
    Posted: 02 February 2012 at 7:09am
Hello I am Maryam'
I was born in Africa, not muslim but i bacame one after i met my husband 16 years ago.Today we have 4 children.My question is that, since i am still learning and we have always live in a foreign country,from early in our mariage my husband has always taugh me into him marrying a second wife in the foreign country to get citizenchip.I was never ok with it but he did it anyway in the first country even if they lived apart.But after many years of sacrifices it didn't work out.So we move to a new place.Now and while the oldest child is almost 16yrs, he start the same issue again and even go on date evey weekend and spend all his time on the net or on his phone texting.He greater excuse it that coran allow to do so if it is for a genuine raison like this one because he need to have that paper to move around easily and be able to stay with his family.The pressure on me and the kids are so much ,last week we had a fight after i ask him many time nicely to keep his business outside and he ignore it. He text girl even in bed naked with me.So he said i make his life complicated and disrespect him in front of the kids and move out.Anyway i have been pressuring him to take his own place to do his insanity because i didn't not want it and was worried it was going to affect the kids too.Now his friends and family are calling out to me to apologise and ask him back home. But my heart tell me otherwise and i know he will not stop until he get what he want even though all the kids are citizen of the western world and only he and i are not.
What does Islam say about that? And what should i do? I am not happy and feel being stepping on and usulted.Am I wrong for not wanting him back in those conditions?What about the vertue of family? Raising the kids right?

Edited by Maryam43 - 02 February 2012 at 7:10am
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 05 February 2012 at 8:19pm

You have several issues going on. One is basic respect- he should not be bringing "other women" into your house- through texting etc, and in bed with you. That is rude and disrespect.

2nd marriage. Yes he can marry a 2nd. Your decision is whether you would want to stay in those conditions. 

I think you need to get some type of help- an imam who can do counseling etc. He clearly wants another wife. You do not. Not sure why he wants you back if you'd be unhappy. 

My duas for you.

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 06 February 2012 at 7:37am

Maryam it is forbidden in Islam to enter into the most sacred contract, marriage, only to deceive and trick to obtain nationality.  Muslims are not to use Islamic law to cause hardship to their wife and children, or to deprive a national of a Western country of their right to a marriage based upon trust.  Your husband's actions are both unethical, and illegal.  For him to suggest the Quran allows this, is even more shameful and despicable. Maryam you deserve better, and we ask Allah to help you. 

Edited by abuayisha - 06 February 2012 at 7:41am
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