LIVING A REAL LIFE SOAP OPERA

AssalaamoAlaikum brother. Thanks for giving me more of an insight on your personality. I will say that I am flabbergasted that you said most imams have molested kids? Astafullah. Really? Interesting. I really think that we can not even say that about the pope, even though we hear alot of cases of molestation coming from them. I will say that I am speechless to a degree because your accusations about most imams is inprecisely bold and disturbing. I am hoping that you will go back and delete your this false statement.

Edited by lady - 28 December 2010 at 9:01pm

Hidden_Pearl wrote: Asalaamu aleikum- Is it me, or is this all insanity? What does any of this have to do with Islam? Are we counseling Christian/non-muslims about how to get back with their (married) boyfriends? Subhanallahh.  I'm confused.

Wa'alaikum salaam Sis

Everything has everything to do with Islam... as muslims  we refer to Islam for each and every action... even relationships. SubhanAllah, even those of us who may not be fully practicing still look to Islam for approval in many aspects of their lives.

If you take the time to read through all the posts dear Sis, you'll realize that all members are doing is helping the Poster through her problem. Nobody is asking her to do anything against Islam.

Also even if the poster is a non-muslim, they still came here for help, and it is our duty to help within our means. Particularly since most relationship messes are partly due to the fault of the "Muslim" boyfriend.

PS: Welcome to the forums!




Edited by Chrysalis - 15 February 2011 at 9:12pm

Hidden_Pearl wrote: Asalaamu aleikum-Thank you for the welcome, but to be honest I don't think I will be here long!

Wa'alaikum salaam Sister.

If you find something we said was islamically incorrect, rather than leave - feel free to correct us. Your opinion is welcome.

Why does no one say that what these people are doing is haram? Muslims shouldn't have "boyfriends/girlfriends, chat online to already married people- with whom they used to commit ZINA.

Thankyou for pointing that out. We get so many of similar posts on IC forum, that sometimes we think that we have already mentioned this, or that it is understood. But perhaps our Poster does not know this, (being a non-muslim) so it would be relevant to point this out).

So for all Non-Muslim Women who are in a relationship with Muslim men (and vice-versa): If your lover is a Muslim - RUN! and run away as fast as you can, because they are most probably not a good person - because they don't respect you the way their religion taught them. And its a very bad sign. You are most probably destined for heartache. They are not supposed to exploit you, or your emotions, or your body - because they are not willing to commit to marriage. The ONLY WAY a good muslim has a right to the above PRIVILEGES is if they are married to the person in question. If they ignore that fact - 99% chances they are NOT a good person. So don't wait around to get heartbroken.

Yes, the (married with kids) "boyfriend is sinning- but why counsel his kuffar lover? Any decent Imam wouldn't have time for such wicked nonsense- all you can say to such people is go away and stop sinning. End of story.

Also Sister - it would not be right for us to assume that the Poster committed Zina. (Btw, she is not a muslim, so we cannot judge her according to our own morals.) In Islam we are taught not to 'assume' bad upon another. We are helping her based on the info she provided.

I also take offense to your statement 'why counsel his kuffar lover'. I have more sympathy and kindness towards the 'kuffar' in question, that her 'Muslim' lover. As your Sister in Islam I feel obliged to tell you that you sound very harsh! Where is the rahmah sister? If we are going to turn away 'people who sin' when they ask for counsel, what is exactly is our purpose in life? Live in our idealistic islam bubble? Do you know of ONE human being who does not sin? Sure, the severity of our sins may differ - because everybody has different circumstances & Jihads... but then that means that everybody should be told 'stop sinning & go away. I don't have time for you because apparently I am a better muslim than you who doesn't have time for your sinful problems'

If I were a non-muslim, and I met such unsympathetic and harsh attitudes - why would I think Muslims were nice people? or that Islam may have a solution to my problems?

I am sorry if I sounded harsh, or if I offended you. That was not my intention. However I felt strongly about this, and expressed myself.

Also, perhaps you should look at Lady's advise. I thought it was very nice and to-the-point. Nobody condoned 'haraam' behavior here. Everybody was suggesting that marriage is a better alternative to her current situation... and even that is complicated and she should consider the kids & wife from the previous marriage.

Hidden_Pearl wrote: Asalaamu aleikum- I do agree with most of what you said. Nevertheless, I cannot agree that "marriage is a better alternative to her situation", in fact, to suggest that contradicts your advice to "Run!... because they are probably not a good person".

Wa�alaikum salaam Sis.

Yes � our first advice would be to raise the warning signals to the Sister. We can tell her as Muslims that the gentleman she is in love with does not fit the criteria of a good person in our community. Even according to her society it should raise blaring warning signals � he seems insincere & dishonest that he would be willing to cheat on his current wife, and play games with her like that. She should try to move on and cut contact with him. The marriage suggestion was based on the scenario; if despite our warnings, she decides to carry out this r/ship. We should tell her that Islam provides an alternative to sinning/cheating/dishonesty. Islam allows her that option, to get divorced and marry someone else.

Anyway, someone may be a "good person" by the standards of society, yet not be a "good muslim", in the sense of not behaving Islamically, according to the dictates of their Lord or fearing Allah SWT.

 I Agree.

It doesn't seem that there is anything salvageable in this "relationship", and there is too much haram in it. This man is playing, he is not acting honourably as a muslim man/husband/father. In fact, he is actively giving her a bad example of Islam- eg "imams are child-molesters"???!!!The woman views her "relationship" with him purely in terms of a western romantic love affair. And there is a wife and children to boot, who will be effected. How will his marrying this "lover" make everything ok?

Which is why we are telling her to stay away from the �Haraam� by

1)      -> Recognizing warning signs and staying away from him, (Lady�s Post)

We also pointed out to the Sister that she should think about the Man�s current wife & kids. Would she want that on her conscience? A second marriage/ divorce would surely be devastating to them. One should not be selfish in love.

We should also be aware Sis, that when 2 people are in love. They are literally in blind & in denial. If the Sister fails to see our logic � we cannot convince her. However we can provide her an alternative to sinning / dishonorable actions.  If she is hell bent on being with the person (despite our warning), at least she should get married to him. We can only speculate as to what their circumstances are. Whether or not we like it, she can legally/islamically marry him. And marriage is a better alternative to having an affair. That�s the �next best thing� sis. And the �next best thing� may not be ideal according to you & me, but it is better than sinning/ cheating/ dishonorable actions. Hence our advice.