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Family Matter
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Quote bc4smr Replybullet Topic: Family
    Posted: 02 November 2010 at 9:48am
A good Muslim family is a blessing. [:)]

Edited by bc4smr - 29 July 2014 at 11:39am
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Quote Pati Replybullet Posted: 02 November 2010 at 6:48pm
My dear,
Your life really touched me. I don't know what to say.
I heard that some men don't get excited by their own wives, but by different women. They look outside (and sometimes by paying for it) what they could find at home and in much better quality. I guess if it's a kind of illness.
I think that if you wanted to save your marriage, you should go directly to him and look for a marriage therapy. I think he should have any problem.
Maybe, at beginning, he was shy to ask you for "specific" things and he started looking for it outside, and now he just cannot stop. I don't want to excuse him, because he is not a boy with a chocolate and he should control his body and his needs, but i am just trying to look for an answer.
I think the only way out of this situation, before you fall in something you obviously don't want to fall, is to go for therapy as soon as possible.
The answer may be to go ahead with a healthy marriage, or to finish everything and stop the nightmare. But believe me, even if he was a good, the kind of relation between the parents will affect sooner or later to the children. I saw it thousand times, marriages that keep together just for the children, and they finish hatting each other. It's the worst.
Try to fix it for last time, and try your best. Try to make a research on where is his problem, because i am sure there is a problem if he was doing from the beginning of your marriage.
Dear, big hugs and focus in your children in these moments, because they are the best of God's gifts.
No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
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Quote abuayisha Replybullet Posted: 03 November 2010 at 7:12am
Please help me and advise me what I should do? 

If your husband has admitted having sexual relations with other women you should divorce him. 
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Quote NuraB Replybullet Posted: 03 November 2010 at 10:04am
Salam bc4smr

That must be very frustrating that your family agrees with his family that you both should stick with it, that he will eventually change.

Having physical needs is normal.  Allah gifted these feelings in us so we would be closer physically and emotionally to our husbands. You are doing the best thing controlling yourself. I commend you for being faithful and sticking true to your Islam.

You are wrong on two counts, though dear sister. You can be a divorcee and still be an honorable and respectable woman You can remarry and find a good husband. Islam permits you to divorce if he cheated. Culture and religion are two different entities. You are first Muslim then your nationality/ethnicity.

Finally, I have some advice.  Because he cheated he could infect you with some disease. Get yourself tested.  Perhaps this is why he won't be intimate. Maybe he is embarrassed to admit he caught a disease from cheating.

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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 09 November 2010 at 12:16pm
Asalaam Alaikum

My Duas for you.

Sister you deserve better.. How sad your family does not 100% support you. Saying he'll stop... like its "ok" for him to behave this way.

You need to take care of YOU. Sister you are only 30... women marry well into later years, especially in this day and age. That is culture speaking to you. NOT reality.

You have a right to have a faithful husband. And really, if he does not fulfill your physical needs you, Islamically, have a right to divorce. If you are a doormat, your husband may treat you as one. He has all the power in the marriage. We are giving our rights in Islam. And we are given the power to speak up for ourselves.

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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