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Would you marry a women with a child?
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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Points: 5105 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 March 2010 at 11:00am
Yeah, but take heart, he's not the only "fish in the sea" if that's not what he or his family wants, there are others.  I feel it's far better to be honest with feelings before getting married.  What if he was struck by her good looks and didn't give sufficient consideration to difficulties being a "step-parent" and later said, 'sorry this just isn't going to work for me.'  Dejection for any reason, weight, age, education or otherwise, isn't pleasant, but there is a "sliver lining" I believe, and that is an opportunity to find the right individual.
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Chrysalis View Drop Down
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Originally posted by abuayisha abuayisha wrote:

"If the parents of that gentlemen objected on the grounds of her having a child, divorced status, and even being a convert - then it could possibly be unislamic advise... "  How could this possibly be when their advise is not binding upon their son's decision?


Well, perhaps not legally binding. But in most Muslim households to this day, Parents do have the final say. And children succumb because they are just not conditioned to go against them... even if they do believe in their heart and mind that they are doing the right thing. Most Muslim parents still have that authority and power over their offspring to dissuade the children or "put their foot down". Some even use emotional blackmail for the silliest of things. Ouch. Perhaps what I am trying to say is, that often in matters like this we say "Parents know best" - but then again, they are fallible and prone to error.

Relating back to the questioner, what I am basically trying to say is, that from what I have read so far, I sympathize with her. And I feel dejected as a female to think that a woman is turned down because she is a divorcee with a child. (if that was the actual reason behind the parent's rejection). Thats not what Muslims were supposed to be like. Confused





Edited by Chrysalis - 24 March 2010 at 10:28am
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Points: 5105 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 March 2010 at 9:46am
"If the parents of that gentlemen objected on the grounds of her having a child, divorced status, and even being a convert - then it could possibly be unislamic advise... "  How could this possibly be when their advise is not binding upon their son's decision?
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Chrysalis View Drop Down
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Points: 2033 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 March 2010 at 8:26am
Originally posted by abuayisha abuayisha wrote:

Yeah, no doubt Chrysalis, however, for sake of argument, I'm speaking specifically about the situation in question.  Do you believe it was unislamic advise?


If the parents of that gentlemen objected on the grounds of her having a child, divorced status, and even being a convert - then it could possibly be unislamic advise... 

I have actually seen a case myself where the Parents made their son divorce an American Muslimah-by-birth (same ethnic background) because she spoke too much english at home, couldn't speak the mother-tongue as well and so was causing 'issues' for the in-laws !
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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abuayisha View Drop Down
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Points: 5105 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote abuayisha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 March 2010 at 7:15am
Yeah, no doubt Chrysalis, however, for sake of argument, I'm speaking specifically about the situation in question.  Do you believe it was unislamic advise?
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Chrysalis View Drop Down
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Points: 2033 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 March 2010 at 6:09am
Originally posted by abuayisha abuayisha wrote:

"I was so shocked and crushed he took his parents advise."  Really?  Why on earth would he not take his parents advise?  


But Abuayisha, not all parents give good advise ! some give downright unislamic advise which may be wrong Ouch
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Samir_Abdul View Drop Down
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Points: 10 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Samir_Abdul Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 March 2010 at 12:27pm
i personally wouldnt have a problem with it..i mean people make mistakes and they grow up, but if i feel like if im truly into you, then it would only be right that i accept your child also...but i hope you take care and find a suitable companion in the future...
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Iuvmasoul View Drop Down
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Points: 3 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Iuvmasoul Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 March 2010 at 8:06am
Yes, I was shocked because, if two people are right for each other, why do the parents have a say in the relationship. Its the couple that is married, not the parents. I guess, I took his decision personal, and it was kind of a let down that I would be alone.
 
Its been a month or so, since we ended things. So, I have come to terms with being alone. (before I met him) I set goals for myself and Im actively working on them. Im learning who I am as a person. So im glad to be alone..for now. But I do want a family and a partner, and I have certain aspects Im looking for in a husband. But I fear because of my past, I will not be able to find who I am looking for. Due to the fact that must Muslim are so judgmental of ones past and do not take the time to look at someones moral.
 
Btw, I work in health care im currently working on my 2nd degree.
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