Help me to Understand

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   Asalaam Alaikum Gynks,

I was reflecting upon what you write about this very week. I spent a week with my sister. And how we can "be with others" and yet feel "alone" at the same time. 

i find myself as I age that on one hand I am hopefully, more wise and seen the illusions of this life and see the transitory nature. And it makes me sad too.. bitter sweet.

I do not think you should feel bad for your desires and at times your sadness at the "limitations" in this life.  And you are right, these desires are from Allah. We are not Buddhists that seek to eliminate these desires (though at moments we want them to go away. )  Just look at so many people out there seeking fulfillment of their "desires," these are in us.  There is nothing wrong with wanting companionship, love and affection.  And yeah, it is temporary, but its nice to have it. 

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Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 01 May 2010 at 8:52pm
	Asalaam Alaikum Gynks, I was reflecting upon what you write about this very week. I spent a week with my sister. And how we can "be with others" and yet feel "alone" at the same time. i find myself as I age that on one hand I am hopefully, more wise and seen the illusions of this life and see the transitory nature. And it makes me sad too.. bitter sweet. I do not think you should feel bad for your desires and at times your sadness at the "limitations" in this life. And you are right, these desires are from Allah. We are not Buddhists that seek to eliminate these desires (though at moments we want them to go away. ) Just look at so many people out there seeking fulfillment of their "desires," these are in us. There is nothing wrong with wanting companionship, love and affection. And yeah, it is temporary, but its nice to have it.
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

Nausheen Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Moderator Group Female Joined: 10 January 2001 Status: Offline Points: 4251	Post Options Post Reply Quote Nausheen Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 02 May 2010 at 7:30pm
	This is for you Hayfa: Kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahan nahin milta kahin zameen to kahin asmaan nahi milta!! not sure how to translate. The literal translation is so dumb. In the above lines its said that noone gets everything in this life. Some miss one thing, while others miss someother. Its true in case of every life. You are correct Hayfa, we are born with desires, and our religion does not teach us to run after them. It shows us guidance to control them and live a normal life despite these. I think none of us looks to stop the desires, but some people get overwhelmed because they are unable to handle them. Need for a companion can become an overwhelming need, that we might want to fulfil with a partner. When we don't fiind the right person to connect with, most of the times we fail to find alternatives - this becomes a problem, we get depressed and dont know how to heal it. Being married or having a true soul-mate is not THE means for total happiness. We must try to understand this, so that we don't come to a road block when a soul-mate is not quite in ones reach. wassalam nausheen Edited by Nausheen - 02 May 2010 at 7:41pm
	<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR]

asif Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Male Joined: 02 May 2010 Location: China Status: Offline Points: 1	Post Options Post Reply Quote asif Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 02 May 2010 at 10:30pm
	yes it i absolutely right.It always happens in life,otherwise the human becomes perfect which is an impossibilyty except Allah. I am my self an urdu speaker and very much of the view and share similar thoughts with the verse.

gynks79 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Female Joined: 16 March 2010 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 54	Post Options Post Reply Quote gynks79 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 May 2010 at 6:48am
	salaam sister Hayfa, thank you for your words, it helps me to know I am not crazy, or old fashion. I have always been a woman who wanted just a marriage, family and happy children, and good health for all if possible. I never wanted riches, or lot of things, I never cared. I think this is why not having this desire hurt me so much sister. Because we are taught that Allah want us to have these things, want us to be happy with them, yet as much as I have tried, it seems to slip through my fingers. Anyone would begin to think, what is wrong with them, are they being punished. If it is in the plan for me not to have these things, then it means I have no free will, and then I become confused as to were I should be, what I should think, what Allah want of me. and my confusion makes me depressed. I believe i am not a bad person, and I know I am not a great person, but I know my heart tries to be kind, caring, helpful and strong to help as many as I can. I enjoy companionship of marriage, just the little things, of sharing dinner, or see a movie together, or exchange things we read or just watching the snow fall together. My family say i am a dreamer, but these things are not dreams they are real. There is so much in the world going on, I only ask for this much, not more. I do realize the hardships of others and I can feel for them to a point and help them to a point, but it does not change my pain, or my desires for me. thank you for your message dear sister. Allah bless you. Fatimah

gynks79 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Female Joined: 16 March 2010 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 54	Post Options Post Reply Quote gynks79 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 May 2010 at 8:30am
	Salamm Wyleykum sister, thank you very much for your thoughts and kind words. also thank you for this information on the class. I will find out more about it. I do enjoy to hear good lecutures and good information in hopes it will help me. thank you again.

seekshidayath Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Islam Joined: 26 March 2006 Location: India Status: Offline Points: 3357	Post Options Post Reply Quote seekshidayath Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 May 2010 at 10:52pm
	As Salamu Alaikum Welcome back sis Nausheen. Very happy to see you active.
	Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."

Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 May 2010 at 6:21am
	I found this quote that made me think of this discussion.... "The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter." � Paulo Coelho Gynks: you may be a "dreamer" but those "dreams" are about wanting to live a certain way in this world. You are not dreaming of the riches of the world. but to have meaning and to be able to share that meaning with someone else. The hardest thing is, never mind life situation, finding that person. Most people are not trying to live on a "deeper" level. This dunya pulls at us all the time.
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

gynks79 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Female Joined: 16 March 2010 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 54	Post Options Post Reply Quote gynks79 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 May 2010 at 7:51am
	my dear sister Hayfa, thank you so much for understanding me and not thinking me a fool. I can not tell you how many people have laugh at me and tell me I think as a child. while their interest is in money, clothes, cars, big this and that. Even as a younger person it was never my interest, I always dreamed of happy days, peaceful calm days, lots of laughter and love. As a child it was love from family and friends, I still enjoy that now, but also want to share my heart with someone so special to me and hope i would be special to him as well. Thank you my dear sister for opening your mind to accept my thoughts. Take care of you. Fatimah