what to do when husband leaves me

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   Asalaam Alaikum Anderson,

Welcome to the Forum. It is so sad to hear about your situation. I pray to Alla

1. He may use HIS interpretation to justify his actions.. though anyone can point out if our Beloved Prophet (PBUH) ever treated his wives in this manner?  

And as Fais said, divorce is quite disliked by Allah. WE all are judged for our thoughts and actions.  

Your husband did what he did. He may very well try and blame you but really, he wanted what he wanted. As you said, this world pulled on him.

2. Where do you live? Do you have kids? Do you have family?  

3. Why would you go back to non Muslim men right away. Give it time. You need to spend time with yourself and your Creator. 

4. Getting him  back: as you said, you humiliated yourself etc. Well please sister, enough of that. You think he wants a doormat (not that you are but it very well may be perceived as that)?  

5. Honestly, it is sad to say that we (any person) will put themselves down as to do anything to get someone who does not want us.  You are a good Muslim woman. If nothing else, he should treat you with more kindness and respect, EVEN IF he truly does not see you as compatible. Heck, I hear about men who do care about their wives enough to keep them and get a 2nd. He just walked out. Why would you want a man who would do that to you????

This is not to say you should not do what feel comfortable if you really want him back for your own personal reasons. But keep in mind.. you deserve better. 

I would pray to Allah to guide you. And remember what often seems 'bad' turns out to be a benefit and a mercy to us.  Trust in Allah. 

Can you go to the Masjid and get some help? 

And last, people are fickle. And that is why we must love Allah and his Messenger (PBUH) more than any other person. 

This is not to deny your feelings. Not at all. If he is that selfish, why give him all this power??? 

My duas for you.

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Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 September 2009 at 12:28pm
	Asalaam Alaikum Anderson, Welcome to the Forum. It is so sad to hear about your situation. I pray to Alla 1. He may use HIS interpretation to justify his actions.. though anyone can point out if our Beloved Prophet (PBUH) ever treated his wives in this manner? And as Fais said, divorce is quite disliked by Allah. WE all are judged for our thoughts and actions. Your husband did what he did. He may very well try and blame you but really, he wanted what he wanted. As you said, this world pulled on him. 2. Where do you live? Do you have kids? Do you have family? 3. Why would you go back to non Muslim men right away. Give it time. You need to spend time with yourself and your Creator. 4. Getting him back: as you said, you humiliated yourself etc. Well please sister, enough of that. You think he wants a doormat (not that you are but it very well may be perceived as that)? 5. Honestly, it is sad to say that we (any person) will put themselves down as to do anything to get someone who does not want us. You are a good Muslim woman. If nothing else, he should treat you with more kindness and respect, EVEN IF he truly does not see you as compatible. Heck, I hear about men who do care about their wives enough to keep them and get a 2nd. He just walked out. Why would you want a man who would do that to you???? This is not to say you should not do what feel comfortable if you really want him back for your own personal reasons. But keep in mind.. you deserve better. I would pray to Allah to guide you. And remember what often seems 'bad' turns out to be a benefit and a mercy to us. Trust in Allah. Can you go to the Masjid and get some help? And last, people are fickle. And that is why we must love Allah and his Messenger (PBUH) more than any other person. This is not to deny your feelings. Not at all. If he is that selfish, why give him all this power??? My duas for you.
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

fais Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Status: Offline Points: 344	Post Options Post Reply Quote fais Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 September 2009 at 8:57am
	dear sister. salam sister, i read your post and can feel it as my wife did the same thing to me,she also says god has decided us to apart and she has made her mind,i begged i cried i requested but nothing made her decision change.please read my post 'i wanna save my marraige in family matters and pray for me as i am going to get divorced soon,i will be forced to utter those 3 words of talaq very soon by my wife. just pray that i can bear the pain of sepration as i love her with my full heart,i will pray for you too,insha allah will do the best for you and he will come back. people who wants to depart often give this excuse of allah's will but they dont know i think how hatefull talaq is to allah and if they do nothing to save it insha allah on the day of judgement they will be shamefull.sister your efforts will give you the fruits one day dont worry.plz plz read my post i wanna save my marraige.

anderson Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Female Joined: 26 September 2009 Status: Offline Points: 10	Post Options Post Reply Quote anderson Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 26 September 2009 at 3:41pm
	I was very happy the day I married my muslim husband. He was the first muslim man I know and I wanted to be a good muslimah wife and grow closer to Allah and Islam in the marriage. Alhamdullilah I have been able to feel closer to God and discover more about the religion. But after 6 years of marriage, my husband just turned to me one day and said he wanted to leave me and get a divorce. I was thoroughly shocked and didn't expect this at all. My husband said he wanted to find happiness in his life which he couldn't feel in the marriage. I have tried talking to him and telling him that we have everything we ever wanted in our marriage and he should not fall to his "nafs" chasing for more worldly happiness. But he wouldn't listen and he left, and suddenly I am all alone to fend for myself. I feel lost and vulnerable. I was the type of wife who has been so faithful, I would never leave the house without my husband, I stayed home to cook, clean, wash for him despite being very educated in western universities. I thought that I was fulfilling my responsibility as a a muslim wife to a husband I adored and respected. And he just dumped me high and dry to search for his own "happiness". I leaarned recently he is out chasing young arab girls to marry again (my husband is almost 40 ). My caucasian friends are all telling I-told-you-so-arab/muslim-men-are-womanisers and that they go chasing after girls half their age. It feels awful when your own husband helps to justify the westerner's biased perception of Islam. I feel scared and empty in my life right now. My husband told me what he did is not something wrong and even Islam would approve. He even said that without divorce papers, he could get married quickly in a mosque because he is a man. And women like me get the bad end of the deal in Islamic marriages. I really want to have my husband back. I don't know what to do anymore. I have begged and cried and humiliated myself. Its not easy out where I live to find other muslim men, and I don't know if I could go back to seeing caucasian non-muslim men. Please advice me what to do with my life? How do I convince my husband to come back?