what to do when husband leaves me

Salam to everyone here,

Martha, I have been truly disappointed about the islamic centres and mosques. Many weeks ago, I did try to contact them. I wasn't even asking for money or material things. I just wanted to talk to someone like an imam to ask questions and seek counselling People just ignored me, or told me to email, but never did reply up till today. So I have given up on them, and frankly, my heart is not even in it anymore right now to have contacts with those mosque people. They can go ahead and wear their white robes and pray all day long if they like, but if you can't even spend 10 minutes to talk to a desperate woman in my position who was pleading for your help and all alone on her own, I won't care how religious you are.

Hayfa, your story about the pakistani man who was gonna divorce his wife and what his family told him - that is truly character! I will keep this story in my mind forever. My in laws have never even called me once since they left. I don't want to go into details, but it saddens me to think how much I used to love them, respect them and what I have done for them. I gave to my parent-in-laws more than what I even gave to my own parents, and I love them no lesser.

No, I am not gonna leave this place, no matter how hard it is. I won't go home to my country. My husband mocked me before he left about how helpless and vulnerable I am and that I cannot survive on my own here without him. He told me to go home .He asked, "who is gonna help you?" The first words that came out from me was, "Allah will help me." He laughed, then got angry and said I was naive to believe life works just like that. I will prove him wrong. I will trust in Allah to help me and I WILL rise again and go on with my life as best as I could, and I won't go home. This is a challenge I have to take.

Salaams SIster Anderson,

  Asslamu Alikum sister anderson, I am sorry for that.

 I agree with sister Hayfa but hope to hear form you soon. I hope you are fine.
 May Allah help you.
 

Thanks for the replies, It makes me feel better to know there are people who care enough to respond, cos quite frankly, I am feeling so lonely right now.

To answer to some of the questions - I do not have kids nor family. I moved from my country to be with my husband. I gave up everything, my professional job, family, friends, homeland to be with that man. We moved to a place far away from the city, not very accessible by public transport. My husband never allowed me to drive or keep a cellphone. He created a marriage where I was very dependent on him and he kinda guarded me with jealousy. I wanted so much to please him as a wife, so I obeyed thinking that was what islam wanted of me.

Many years into the marriage later, I found out he was chasing other women. It really broke my heart but I kept on praying to Allah to help me and I forgave him again and again. Finally in July this year, he left me. It was crazy cos his family flew from his country and was giving him moral support to leave me!! I begged and pleaded and said it was my husband who cheated and I was faithful all these time, but the family told me off and insisted to leave my husband alone. They stayed at my place for weeks for free and ran the whole place down, and finally one day left without so much as saying a thank you or goodbye to me. They took my husband with them that day too, and he never came back again since then.

Since I live out in a town away from the city, its been hard for me. I dont have a driving licence (cos my husband didnt allow me to have one before). I have to struggle to survive to get my own food, to see a doctor, to just live day to day. I dont even know how to get to a mosque. There are some kind neighbours who have been helping me though and I have been receiving financial aid. They said what my husband did is not just a simple case of divorce, but cruelty and abandoning his wife in a place where she was dependent on him for survival as a housewife all these years. And he is out looking for a new young wife right now, spending money on lavish vacations with arab girls.

I dont know what to do with my life anymore. I feel so broken and sometimes I quesion God why this is happening to me. My husband prays 5 times a day, fast and all those things, and yet he still found it within himself to be cruel towards his wife and insists its all permissible within Islam to do what he does. Yes, I do want him back, probably because he is what I know in my life. The unknown terrifies me.