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I wanna save my marraige |
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martha 
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Joined: 30 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 1140 |
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 Posted: 16 September 2009 at 2:33pm |
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Asalaam alaikum brother,
This is a very sad story really. And you have suffered enough. It seems you have done your best and now you are becoming too frustrated. Perhaps this lady was in love with love, she is certainly influenced by her family members and older friends. She is not mature enough I think.
I think she puts too much importance on money/material possessions and as you are hard working but poor then she does not want to live a life less than the one she has now. I expect she wants to marry a rich man. It is sad, but it happens all too often.
So hold your head high and try to move forward with your life. I am certain you will be rewarded with a kinder more loving lady from within your own community in India, that is happy with you as a person and not how much money you have in your pocket.
Remember the Prophets daughter Fatima(peace be upon them all) who needed few possessions in this life and was happy this way. She was not concerned with social status. She was so nice. Many people in this life are too worried about what other people think about them. What does it matter. IF you have enough to survive then who needs more? It is greed, only that. It all goes when we die.
Learn from this experience and move forward. Bro Saladin is correct..you don't have to be a Devdas
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some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
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Saladin
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Male Joined: 04 September 2007 Location: Sri Lanka Status: Offline Points: 575 |
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Posted: 16 September 2009 at 12:27pm |
Salaam Alaikum Fais,
Get the marriage terminated through Khula (not talaq) cuz she wants it.
And take back the mahr and bust out of there.
Dont ever get nostalgic about how she used to love you cuz it seems it was all just infatuation.
Get rid of your al-ain and blackmagic phobias. People dont get al-ained or jinxed by some voodoo zinzin, its just in their minds.
And you dont've to be a devdas, move on, Insha Allah you may find a girl that really loves you and then hang on to her with dear life.
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'Trust everyone but not the devil in them'
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Pati
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Female Joined: 10 April 2009 Location: Spain Status: Offline Points: 304 |
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Posted: 15 September 2009 at 12:16pm |
Sorry, but I didn't say you were a rapist.
You asked her for a hug, and she gave you, isn't it? And suddenly, you went straight asking for sex... really, fais, what I think is that she needs time (at least in the past, I don't know if she will give you another chance, sorry).
Yes, I read your first post. I understand that you cannot understand why she liked sex before, and suddenly she changed, but that is another thing that she should check with a doctor, there is none here who can help someone without knowing what she feels and thinks. But... really, I find it a very big mistake what you did to her, really. She was trying to come back to you in slow way, and you "forced" her, you got angry, mad (as you said).
Maybe both of you need to go to a pshicologist. There are specialist to help couples, so I think that could be the way. This situation you are going through needs for lot of patience, and I think you already lost yours (I understand it, don't think I blame you).
Both of you, you need help fais. I think that you don't know each other, and you need to start again building your relation.
That's my opinion only, sorry if you don't like it.
Regards
Patricia
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No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
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fais
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Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Status: Offline Points: 344 |
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Posted: 15 September 2009 at 11:33am |
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salam sister, to full of hopes, Dear sister,thnx for the valuable advice,i think u r right i have to put an end to this,this lady has no love for me left but allah knows sister i did no unhuman act to make me hate her,but still what is the use of talking all these,she has forgetten all my efforts to get her,all my love and everything,and besides this she has kept her self respect intact and on the contrary i lowered myself to the lowest level to convince her,i begged i cried i shouted but sister its like summun bukmun umun deaf blind dumb-no responce she just listen and know answer from her. it was just my last eid with her to spend but she dint even give me that,i cant go to her house in jeddah so now i have cancelled my flight and going to dammam.sister i just pray one thing one day she should realise what she did with me and repent for leaving such a loving man in her life.she never took any serious step to save this marraige as u see above one sister has given a medical solution also to this problem,but she didnt even share this problem with her mom and kept it to herself till our marraige has come to end. u r a nice lady and dont want to encourage divorce i like this but i have no other option as this lady is adamant to leave me,and now i have to be strong as all said in this group,this lady thinks allah has supernaturally informed her that this marraige should not go on so she is quitting finally. i will what ever they want,whenever they want i will come and sign the papers for talaq,i dont wanna harras her as i wanna be free in duniya and akhirat.may allah do insaaf with me and make this lady repent for her deed.i still love her what to say now.Edited by fais - 15 September 2009 at 11:40am |
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Full of Hopes
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Female Joined: 06 August 2009 Status: Offline Points: 855 |
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Posted: 15 September 2009 at 1:59am |
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� Asslamu Alaikum �I am sorry for you brother, I have thought of an advice to give you but I see that this lady has taken you out of her heart. And this is normal for us as human beings. Our hearts love this day and very normal to hate the next day. �� You have suffered a lot and listened to many advises a lot. Now it� comes the time to do something. If we face a problem the solution is not to stay sad and listening to advices or having more information. The most important thing is the way out. What is the next efficient step which will solve your trouble??�� Believe in:� hearts change even swing. She might loved you in past but now she stopped for some reason, we do not know. If this is the truth, shall I waste my time in making sure of it?� May Allah forgive me and you.� Brother, you have read enough replies. There is no more than� your real actions. �� Stay with yourself and put an end for your suffering. I do not say the divorce but I say the end which makes you improve and build your future.�Life is full of trouble and sad moments, so is the solution STOP and cry??� There is something you must believe in it ... THE CHANGE...�We have to face it and like it. So many new things are better than the old.your girl is not the last woman on the world, not the most beautiful or blessed. I know that you do want to leave her but Allah put the divorce if the life between you comes to its end. � � You might feel it difficult or impossible, but think if you meet a new girl who loves you and cares for you and your family. You may get married to prettier than her and higher rank. Life is full of chances, just wait for your chance.� � � I appreciate your trying not to divorce may Allah reward you for your patience and� I am not advising you� to get divorced. I say enough listening now it is time to work and get out of your problem. do istikhara before Edited by Full of Hopes - 15 September 2009 at 3:41am |
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 And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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fais
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Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Status: Offline Points: 344 |
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Posted: 15 September 2009 at 1:08am |
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Dear Patti, I think you have not read my eralier post,she has mad me a psycologycal patient since one month,i begged in front of her not to leave but she dint agree,this day i went with so much feelings and really did not intend to have sex,but when she saw me she dint give a smile,she suddenly told me that she wants to finish this matter,at that very time banged my head on the wall,and in anger i said this,she knows me very well i can never hurt her,i was always kind and gentle,but she shud realise what she did to my brain she has made me mad and now if i do somthing which is abnormal she will insult me like this. she spoilt my life i have no confidence now,i gave 4yrs to her and she just wanna walk off,remember when she was normal she use to demand sexual conversation even if it was not possible as it was expesive to call from india to saudi.she made me do things whcih was really hatefull to me in a sexual raltion but for her i made my self like that,she use to make me feel guilty if i dont do that,
when she wants she wants but when i just say it in anger i become rapist wow patti.
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mariyah
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Joined: 29 March 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1283 |
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Posted: 15 September 2009 at 12:46am |
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Asalaamu alaikum:
Well sex rights are sex rights ,and if my husband approached me in that manner I would ban him from my house. But culture is culture, and I respect that.
It sounds to me as if your wife needs to see a physician about her "smell" problem. That is usually secondary to a microorganism that is native to the body but gives off bad odors as a chain reaction when different body chemicals mix. It is the overgrowth of this bacteria that gives off this smell. Usually a dose of metronidizole, or flagyl will take care of this. She should be seen by a physician though, she may have female problems that cause discomfort, maybe her indecision or instability is caujsed by a hormonal or chemical imbalance. Insha"Allah she will come around. May Allah wa ta'la grant you relief.
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"Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile.
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Pati
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Female Joined: 10 April 2009 Location: Spain Status: Offline Points: 304 |
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Posted: 14 September 2009 at 11:34pm |
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Sorry to tell you, fais, but I think that you have not much possibilities after what you did.
You came to ask for advise, but you followed your men instincts, you didn't control it even a bit. We, as women, told you to give her space, to allow her to take breath, and suddenly, you talked to her about your sex rights as husband. Really, I cannot imagine how much pain she got in that moment. You have a very difficult way to make her back to you. I am sorry for both. And I don't think it's Al Ain, I think that women need time to know men, and that for us, sex is not important (at least, this much important than for men), and you didn't know anything about women. If you really love her, you have to go to her in nice and kind way, not as a husband. Think that your relation came back to the starting point, and try to do the same things you did at beginning. Really, I am sad to read what you did. |
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No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
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fais wrote: