My mother won’t look at me in hijab

Bismillah,

To the sisters having so much difficulty with your families because of your faith and wearing a scarf:  May Allah, SWT, guide you to the way of peace and help you fulfill the five pillars of Islam the best way you can.

After wearing a scarf and skirt outfit or jilbab and scarf combo for years, I stopped because of my personal feeling that it was causing more fitna and less peace in MY life.  I wear it to Mosque.

Now, I will tell you that my family did not assume that I was going to change my faith or anything of the sort when I stopped wearing it.  They asked me, and I told them where I stood and stand.  But then even though they had teased and disparaged me at different times, they had never ostracized me or tried to exert power the way that some other do, J.R.'s family specifically.

Now, my family that I'm speaking of isn't very functional either, but yours sounds dysfunctional as well.  The real problem to me seems to be their assertion of power and control over you.  You are so used to it.  If you don't interact with your family or do they do not seem like the type to change.  I had a step-family like them once.

I don't see why you have to constantly expose yourself to their criticisms.  Is this keeping up family relations?  I think a card or emailor phone call once in a while to let them know they are welcome in your life is enough.

Try to find peace with nicer people right now.  You are not to blame for your extended family, and you can pray for them.  You need nice, kind people who really care about you and your feelings in your life right now.  You're not failing in your duty to your family by avoiding persecution! It seems you've tried as hard as you can. 

I personally found a wonderful lady at the Mosque who was lonely and she is like an Aunt to me.  The small things I do for her make her feel special, and her loving advice warms my heart.  She is my Muslim aunt!  Yea!

And I have met some wonderful sisters on this forum also, Al-Hamdulilah!

Walaikum asalam, sister,

Thank you very much for your considerate words of kindness.  I can say that Allah has blessed me with another day in which I may make better choices than previous days, and Allah is surely the Most Kind and Merciful.  Again, thank you for your support.  I can tell this is a wonderful place for muslim women to come and share.  Take care.

Julia

Assalamu Alaikum Sister,

I have been reading the posts here for a while, but this time, I felt I absolutely HAD to respond.  First of all, let me commend you, and some of the other posters for your strong faith and belief.  THis world needs more of you!  When I first reverted to Islam, I decided to wear hijab right away.  I faced SO MUCH conflict.  My family had our preacher come hold a prayer service at my house.  I worked at a call center at the time and when I walked into work that first day wearing the scarf, you would've thought I'd turned into an alien with the way people acted.  Soon after this, Sept 11th occurred.  I was walking to the post office one day, and I was screamed at "Jew KILLER!" It was SO hard.  However, I eventrually got through the worst of it.  I'm SAD, SAD, SAD to say, that after all of this, we moved to another state, and I decided to STOP wearing it.  I told my husband I just didn't feel safe, and I was tired of all the harrassment.  He agreed to let me stop wearing it.  Sisters, this was the WORST decision I could've ever made.  As the previous poster said, it makes it look as though you're not that serious about your belief after all.  And it's like a domino affect when you start compromising one thing, you start compromising another..and before you know it, you're hardly any kind of muslim.  Don't do what I did!  I made a huge mistake and now life is even harder for me.  Be strong.  Be faithful.  Set an example for the others (like me).  I am still digging myself out of my bad decisions.  Good luck and know that Allah will reward you for your courage under fire.  Take care.

Julia