My mother won’t look at me in hijab

J.R. wrote: Assalamu Alaikum, You're right, sister Lameese, my mother is trying to force me to make a decision about my religion. You said it. I feel if I took off hijab then she'd feel I'm not THAT serious about Islam and that in turn would make her feel better. But me refusing to take it off shows her how much I believe in Islam and that hurts her. Thank you again for yoru comforting words. Yes, my mother is Catholic and she's not acting very Christian- like. Allah hafiz, J.R.

J.R.

You are right, your mother is not acting very Christian right now. And you are right to stand by your beliefs. You are an adult now and she would throw it in your face later if you take of your Hijab.

Can you call the Preist where she goes to Church and talk to him so that he may talk to her and remind her that Jesus turned no one away. Explain to the Preist that you are Muslim now and that you want your mother to accept you even if she disagrees with your choice of religions. Ask the Preist to interviene. Your mother will listen to him.

Again, I am so sorry this is happening to you. And I cannot for the life of me understand why she is acting this way. She is very lucky that it was your religion you changed and that she did not get a call saying that there was nothing else to do and she was going to loose you. She has what a lot of parents I know would die for.

Lameese

J.R.,

Your mama is a Christian, right? Write to her and gently remind her that Jesus turned no one away, not even a pagan. Remind here that Islam has the same God and the same prophets. It is not as if you denied God and became a religion that did not believe there was a God at all.

I wish I could talk to your mama. I work in Critical Care and have seen the most horrible things that could happen to people. She has you healthy and whole and does not want to see you. I have had mothers that would have given up their own lives so that their adult child could just have another day. Her attitude is not Christian at all and very selfish (sorry, I know you love your mama). Ask her if all cancer patients that wear scarfs around their bald heads scare her too.

I feel like your mother is trying to force you to make a decision about your faith.  There is nothing wrong with the faith you have chosen and your mama is being very rigid in not trying to investigate further. I think she watches the news and listens to stereotypes as her guide to Islam. Be patient. I do not see how your mama can stay away from you for long. You are her daughter. If she does not want to see you right now then let her have her time but continue writing her in e-mails and continue telling her that you love her. Also, ask her to talk to someone that knows something about Islam (but, Oh God, not a Baptist preacher).

Also, try sending her the "Idiot's Guide to Islam", yes there is a book out there called this. It is non-threatening literature and it is short and to the point. Maybe one day she will pick it up and read it. You have to arm her with all the information that you can.

Again, I am sorry this is happening to you. If you were my daughter, I would take you anyway I could get you, even if I did not agree.

Pray.........

Lameese

Asslamualaikum J.R.

Yes it will really be a tough time for you. It is very difficult to tolerate the indifferent attitude of near and dear ones and especially parents. But it is a trial in your life. Inshallah you will be successful in it.

Sister Ummziba is very right:

"This is really their loss, not yours, dear.  Please keep in mind first and formost that the life of this world is a prison for the believers.  We will go through many, many trials, some which seem to break our hearts beyond mending."

Allah is there to help. He loves His people more than 70 mothers. Strong faith in Allah will enable you to be steadfast and patient in this time of trouble. Mashallah you have a very good example before you in the form of sister Ummziba.

We all are here to pray for you.

MAy Allah help you.

Ma Salaam

Assalmau alaikum J.R.,

I am so sorry to hear your family is "cutting you off".  This is really their loss, not yours, dear.  Please keep in mind first and formost that the life of this world is a prison for the believers.  We will go through many, many trials, some which seem to break our hearts beyond mending.

I know, I have been through so much since becoming a Muslim.  For a time, I was so shattered and broken I could barely function.  Through sincere prayer and striving to please Allah, I came through that horrible time.  Looking back, I can't believe I survived with even some semblance of a mind left at all.

I am no longer the person I was.  I am better than that, by the Grace of Allah,  And you will be too, dear, just remain firm in your belief, pray sincerely and strive hard to please Allah.

I know from first hand experience how your heart must be breaking.  Allah is above all things, above parents, above family ties, above feelings of belonging, above heartbreak and tears.  Strive towards Allah and you will come through this.

Perhaps, some day, your family will decide they would rather have you in their life as a Muslim rather than not have you in their life at all.  But, prepare yourself for the fact that they may cut you off permanently.  Don't let your heartbreak turn you away from the path.

Know that it may take years for your heart to mend, but it will mend, by the Grace of Allah.  After all the hardship I went through, I am now enjoying much ease, alhamdulillah, and so will you,  It may seem bleak now and your heartbreak may seem insurmountable - but hold fast to the rope of Allah, keep your faith, and in sha'allah, in time, you will be calm and full of strength.

Try to keep in touch with your family.  Send cards or letters.  Try talking by phone, but, if they start yelling, hang up - you don't need to take that abuse from them.  If they never acknowledge your cards or letters, so be it, at least in the eyes of Allah you will not have broken the ties of kinship.

I will pray for you.  Don't despair, keep firm in your faith. 

Peace, ummziba.