My mother wont look at me in hijab |
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J.R.
Groupie Joined: 25 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 87 |
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Assalamu Alaikum,
Thanks for everyoen's advice and i'm taking what everyone says to heart. I used to live far from home and tried writing to them about Islam after I told them I reverted. My mom told me to stop it and not to mention it to her again. Just yesterday on the phone my mother said she'd never look at me in hijab and that she'd never change her mind. So when she wants to see me now she said she'll come to my place but we can't go out in public together ever again if I choose to keep my hijab on. I try to explain to her why I wear hijab but she won't even let me talk. She just keeps saying she won't change her mind. She said it would be too painful to see me in it so I feel if I showed up at their house with my hijab on I'd be forcing something on her and it would worsen the situation. Of course, Allah (swt) knows best. I think right now I need to keep praying and perhaps soon I will try writing to them to explain some things like you sisters have suggested. I know my parents are coming to my place this weekend for a little visit but like I said, they won't go outside with me in hijab. God bless you all. Allah hafiz, J.R. |
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kim!
Senior Member Joined: 17 September 2001 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 2390 |
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Perhaps instead of getting your mum to read the Q'ran, you should get
some statistics on the racial and cultural populations that exist in
the USA. That way you can prove to your mother that the "culture" of
the USA is actually freedom and diversity.
Ask your mother if she would treat other Muslims as badly as she treats you. If she says "no", then ask her why she treats you with such disrespect. One assumes she bought you up to think for yourself, and now she's abusing you for it. Not Nice. Kim... |
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ummziba
Senior Member Female Joined: 16 March 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1158 |
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Assalamu alaikum J.R., I wish I had thought earlier to tell you about this book! It is called Daughters of Another Path: Experiences of American Women Choosing Islam by Carol Anderson Anway and Carol L. Anway. It is by an American mom who's daughter reverted to Islam. She had great difficulty accepting this. Worked out her angst by interviewing the mom's of daughter's (who reverted to Islam) and the daughter's stories as well. It is an excellent book and your mom might find some peace within it's pages. Peace, ummziba. |
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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~
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Ali Zaki
Senior Member Joined: 10 May 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 217 |
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Salam to J.R., I will keep my comments short, since you asked for advice from sisters (which I can't give you, not being one.) In my experience (my mother and sister are the two female re-verts from our family, and had similar difficulties when they put on hijab), it does get easier over time. I would say (from what I observed) that ummziba is right when she says that overtime they will accept (if still not like) your wearing hijab if you remain firm. May Allah (s.w.a.) give you his strongest support for remaining steadfast on his path. Salam. |
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"The structure of faith is supported by four pillars endurance, conviction, justice and jihad."
Imam Ali (a.s.) |
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Lameese
Senior Member Female Joined: 08 April 2002 Status: Offline Points: 304 |
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J.R. When your mama comes to visit you, tell her you need her right now to be understanding. Remind her that you have not killed anyone, nor have you run away to a different country and will never see you again. She is your mama, she will come around, espically when you have children. Just tell her you love her a lot and that you want to be able to be yourself with her and your baba. Remind her that you still believe in the same God, you just chose a different path to worship Him. If my son chose a pagan religion it would break my heart and soul but I would still love him. And I believe your mama will too. You are her baby girl. Just remeind her that you love her and you have not done anything that is hurtful to anyone. It breaks my heart to think that your mama will not understand. Insha Allah this will work out for you.
Lameese |
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You Shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another and let it be a moving sea between the the shores of your soul |
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J.R.
Groupie Joined: 25 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 87 |
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Assalamu Alaikum,
To Ummziba, yes, I have heard of this book before and have been told to get my hands on it. I'm wondeirng how my mom would react to me sending it to her but I feel it would at least be good for me to read it for myself then try to pass it along to her gently. I feel it would help her understand what I'm going through yet I feel she doesn't even want to understand. She's loving but extremely stubborn on any arguement that I remember since I was a kid. But you have all given me further strength in my hijab decision and thank you all so much. I also thought about finding some great articles online about Islam written for non-Muslims and mailing them home with a little note. Thank God the internet is full of great info like that. Even if she tears it up and throws it away (which she may do) at least I'd be trying and maybe I'd keep sending them home until she reads it. Although that idea could make things worse, I'm not sure. Since she won't listen to me on the phone or in person, maybe she'd read something I send her. Maybe I need to give her a little more time before I send her that book or any articles. I'll keep praying to Allah (swt) for guidance. Thank you, brother Ali Zaki for popping in here as well and sharing your experience with us. It all helps. Allah hafiz, J.R. |
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J.R.
Groupie Joined: 25 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 87 |
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Assalamu Alaikum!!
Now my mother and father have decided that they don't want to see me at all. I was supposed to visit them last Saturday but my mother changed her mind. We had talked and agreed that I'd wear my hijab to my home but take it off once I got inside. So I called my mom and asked what time she wants me there and then she asked if we could go out to eat when I got home. I said sure, but that I'd be wearing hijab in public. She said she thought I would change my mind and take it off, but I told her I won't ever take it off in public. She broke down in tears and started yelling at me and said she doesn't want to see me now. My father again agrees with her and no one in the family is standing up for me. I don't know if I should try to call them or not. Sending my mother any Islamic literature is totally out of the question now. I tried again to explain some things about hijab and Islam but she won't listen and doesn't want to hear it. Please continue to make dua'a for me, sisters and brothers. Allah hafiz, J.R. |
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ummziba
Senior Member Female Joined: 16 March 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1158 |
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Assalmau alaikum J.R., I am so sorry to hear your family is "cutting you off". This is really their loss, not yours, dear. Please keep in mind first and formost that the life of this world is a prison for the believers. We will go through many, many trials, some which seem to break our hearts beyond mending. I know, I have been through so much since becoming a Muslim. For a time, I was so shattered and broken I could barely function. Through sincere prayer and striving to please Allah, I came through that horrible time. Looking back, I can't believe I survived with even some semblance of a mind left at all. I am no longer the person I was. I am better than that, by the Grace of Allah, And you will be too, dear, just remain firm in your belief, pray sincerely and strive hard to please Allah. I know from first hand experience how your heart must be breaking. Allah is above all things, above parents, above family ties, above feelings of belonging, above heartbreak and tears. Strive towards Allah and you will come through this. Perhaps, some day, your family will decide they would rather have you in their life as a Muslim rather than not have you in their life at all. But, prepare yourself for the fact that they may cut you off permanently. Don't let your heartbreak turn you away from the path. Know that it may take years for your heart to mend, but it will mend, by the Grace of Allah. After all the hardship I went through, I am now enjoying much ease, alhamdulillah, and so will you, It may seem bleak now and your heartbreak may seem insurmountable - but hold fast to the rope of Allah, keep your faith, and in sha'allah, in time, you will be calm and full of strength. Try to keep in touch with your family. Send cards or letters. Try talking by phone, but, if they start yelling, hang up - you don't need to take that abuse from them. If they never acknowledge your cards or letters, so be it, at least in the eyes of Allah you will not have broken the ties of kinship. I will pray for you. Don't despair, keep firm in your faith. Peace, ummziba. |
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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~
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