My mother won’t look at me in hijab

Assalamu alaikum sister J.R.,

My family also hates that I am Muslim.  It has been years and there is still no acceptance from them.  They hate my hijab as well.

My advice to you is this: never remove your hijab in an inappropriate situation, your family can hate it all they want, they will still love you.  It is forbidden in Islam to break the ties of kinship, so do not stop attending family functions.  Go, be yourself, wear your hijab.  They will get used to it eventually, but will never like it.

Don't allow them to "harp" at you about it or nag you to remove it.  State firmly that you love them but will not disobey Allah.  Treat your family with kindness and respect but never compromise your Islamic beliefs or practices.

Insha'allah, over time, they will see that you are a good person and a loving daughter, sister, cousin, etc. who has become an even better person through following Islam.  They will probably always hate that you are Muslim and especially hate your hijab, but there is lots of room for them to love you.

Yes, it is hard, sometimes very hard.  Pray sincerely to Allah for courage and strength as well as patience.  Insha'allah, in time, it will get easier for you. The benefits to yourself for obeying Allah will be great.  Perhaps in time, your family will learn to respect you for your courage and conviction in your faith.

Peace, ummziba. 

J.R.

Can you explain to your mother why you have to wear it? Maybe it will help her understand. Once she knows what it represents maybe she can cope with it better.

Also, gently remind her that in Jesus's day all the women wore this for respect. Remind her that even in a Catholic Church that the women will cover their hair with a black veil when praying.

Then remind her that it is nothing to be afraid of, it is a piece of cloth that covers your hair. It cannot hurt anyone. The more you can teach your family the more they can come to understand it. Knowledge is power, so give them some. Your family only know what they see on t.v. and that does nothing to explain the religion.

Also, buy her a copy of the Qur'an so that she can read it and understand you better. Maybe once she see's that it is truely a religious book about God then maybe she will not fear it as much. It is close enough to the Bible that she can feel comfortable reading it. And even if she says she will never read it, buy her one anyway. She is your mama and she loves you and she will look at it in her time.

Good Luck and Congratulations

Lameese

Assalamu Alaikum!!

Thank you all for your prayers and warm thoughts, ilhamdulilah. I have
tried on several occasions to explain gently some basics principles in
Islam to my mother so she would have a better understanding of it and
perhaps not fear it as much. Each time I have tried she refuses to listen
to me and ends up yelling at me. Never do I yell back at her and I always
try to speak to her in a gentle voice. She said looking at me in hijab
would be too painful and that she will never change her mind. I wish I
could explain some things to them, especially why hijab is so important
and that it goes beyond just covering our hair and has much more deeper
of a meaning than just that. She refuses to listen. This is her personality
on many things but I will keep trying.
I still don't think I can go to family gatherings, at least not now. God
knows I want to go and be with them but they in no way would tolerate
being around me in hijab. I wouldn't want to ruin a happy celebration for
them by being there. Insha Allah in time I will attend family gatherings. I
write to my family and keep in touch with letters so they know I love
them.
I told my mother how when she was a child she used to cover her hair
before going into a church (my family is Catholic). She said that was her
culture and since my culture in America says that women don't cover their
hair, then that's what I should follow. I can't believe she thinks this way.
She's a good, moral woman, ilhamdulilah, but she feels culture is more
important than religion.   To her religion should change according to
culture. This is wrong.
I refuse to take off my hijab still, no matter what she or anybody else
says. I know things would be so much easier with my family if I just took
off hijab around them, but I would feel so bad inside. I really love my
hijab. Thanks again to all of you for your kind words of support. May
Allah (swt) bless all us sisters!!

Allah hafiz,
J.R.

Assalamu alaikum J.R.,

You say you write to your family to keep in touch.  Have you tried writing to them what you want to say to them?  Maybe your mom won't listen face to face right now, but, as Sister Lameese suggested, she might read what you have to say in her own time.

I don't know how far away from them you live, but, if possible, maybe you could try visiting your mom (even for only 5 minutes at first) the same day every week.  A quick, short visit just to say hello and ask how everyone is.  Wear your hijab, of course, but don't let the conversation go to that for now.  If she starts to yell, tell her you love her but won't stay to be scolded and leave.  This will give her the message that there is no negotiation about your hijab.  Your mother will soon realize that she would rather see you in hijab than not at all.

If you are able to, try this and see how it goes, it might be the beginning of being able to visit longer and longer as time goes on.  Insha'allah, your mom will slowly get used to seeing you with hijab and it won't be such a shock to her eyes after awhile. 

If you can express to her some basic information about Islam and why you wear hijab in writing she may finally read it.  Keep strong and remember Allah often, you will get through this!

Peace, ummziba.