Duties to Inlaws

Asslamaualikum

Jenni you are right there is both joined as well as seperate family system in PAkistan. There are certain pros and cons involved in both.

In a joint family system its more a mattre of give and take. In this system, I think in the beginning, more responsibility lies on the boy's parents to give some time to their daughter-in-law to adjust in an entirely differnt environment. Adjustment takes time. They must give her time to understand the family routine. Doaughter-in-law should also be prepared to face certain unexpected situations. Patience is required. One should not have high hopes. And its better to fulfil ones duties rather to tell others about theirs. Problems arise when both parties try to point out each others weaknesses.

Ours is a joint family system. And Alhumdolillah we are a happy family. Respect is the key factor of this contentment. My sisters-in-law really very good and of understanding nature. They respect my parents. They do all household works considering it their own home. I think good atmosphere at home more depends on mother-in-law in joint family systems. And alhumdolillah my mother never interfere in the personal matters of her son and daughter-in-law. She loves her daughters-in-law as she loves us. No difference. If she buys new clothes for me she never forgets to buy for my bhabhis(sister-in-law). There are some clashes but these are part of life. Mashallah we enjoy good family relationship.

You respect and in return you'll get respect. Allah's system is just. Good intentions always lead to good results.

May Allah keep us away from any ill-will.

Ma Salaam

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am currently not married, however, I have been in a marriage where my in-laws treated me as a maid.  It was so bad that I was lucky if they bothered to leave me anything to eat after I cooked and cleaned all day.  I was not allowed to eat with then.  I had to wait until they have �had their fill.�  I did laundry outside by hand in an old wringer washer as well�and not just my own.  What made this even worse is that I was not living with them.  I had merely gone to visit when my husband decided I should stay with them for a few months to get to know them better.  I had also given birth, by cesarean with major complication, only a month prior to that visit.  It was the worse three months of my life.  Later on, when I went to my mother-in-law to ask her for her help because he son was getting drunk and beating on me, she laughed in my face and said I would get used to it.

Some of you may be thinking that I must have married someone from a third world country; however, this is not the case.  Nor were they poor.  They lived right here in the United States.  The truth of the matter is that bad people are simply bad people.  And by the way, they were not Muslim�nor was I at the time.

Jenni, I would suggest that you simply not let any behavior you are not willing to live with to do continue for long�habits are hard to break, especially when there are others involved who are more than willing to have you continue.  Have you taken your mother-in-law on a tour of the house to show her where the cleaning suppliers are, where the washer/dryer is and where the dishwasher is?  Maybe if you point out these things to them in a pleasant way, she will get the hint that it is her responsibility to clean up after herself.

PAZ,

Khadija