Why (and how) women cheat?

Looks like you dont have a sister or any female family member who you could be close with to the level of friendship. This could be one of the reason for your various posts against women.

ZamanH wrote: By the way, I don't accept man betrays his wife/group by having sex outside marriage/group, unlike women.

Very  immature to say the least. Are u talking in regards to Muslim societies, or people in general? Or are u generalizing over a small group of people you have known?

In most of the muslims households, women do not go out unescorted. They do not let 'men' enter their homes when they are alone ... They have less chances of cheating than men ( and am not saying, men are given to cheating, just that your proportionality analysis is wrong).

ZamanH wrote: Sex is not just a biological activity, at least in human beings it is used to convey the message of living together.

Come to the west! People prefer freedom to sharing.

Further, perhaps u have not heard of 'one night stands'?  

ZamanH wrote: Unless incest is allowed, one of them has to leave the original home to live with the other partner. In almost all the societies, women move to the house of their spouses (and not the man).

Now this is confusing. If two ppl were having an affair, two ppl were cheating on two other, how can u blame the woman alone?

ZamanH wrote: A man can only betray his wife, if he refuses to provide for her or protect her, even though he can do so.

A man betrays his wife when he looks at other women ... the prophet(saw) has said, if you look at other women, then go to your wife, she has all what this one has.

ZamanH wrote: If a man has sex outside marriage, at worst, he can be deceiving another man, but not his own wife.

If he brings AIDS he is risking her life, and that amounts to deceiving and more ....

Polygamy cannot be justified by adultery.

Jenni wrote: And most men who cheat don't simply marry another woman, they sleep with another woman outside of marraige or solicit prostitutes which is popular in India.

I have been living in India all my life and I didn't know that.

Though, it is certainly not more popular here than it is elsewhere (though it might be slightly more than it is in Islamic countries).

ZamanH first and foremost As'Salaamu Alaikum Wa' Rahmatullahi Wa' Barakatuh!

Before  I began to criticize what your title heading pre-suppose and your remarks underlining your belief I wanted to read over your statements as well as your responses. From what you say the thing that stands out in this subject is that when a man cheats it is unlike the woman. Perhaps you may have made this statement in the general sense and in the sense of intensity. What I mean is, as you have said before that the effects of cheating when it comes to men are less intense then that of a woman. You mention that when a man cheats at best it hurts the other man. but if a woman cheats it at best hurts both the man and the woman as well as the cheater.

ZamanH I will give you the best advice I can give: Read the Qur'an and carefully study its spiritual principle behind marriage. Of course you should know that cheating is prohibited. For the purpose of this subject I will not too much refer to religion as much as strictly adhere to the statements made here. When a man cheats and is Muslim and is married he is transgressing from God's law. Transgression of God's law regardless of the intensities is the same because such sinful acts break God's covenant to man in Islam.

In the words of one of the world's greatess human beings Buddha once said "life is suffering." What that means is that to live is not to physically suffer but to suffer is to desire. Such desires exist as natural and unnatural. In this case to desire another man while being married is a type of desire that is suffering. To cure this is to be mindful of Allah and his promise. As Nausheen puts it in her last post the prophet has said that a good Muslim is one who is good to his wife. The whole point of Islam is to mirror the Creator: To be one and absolute as a unified body. Why do you think the sustaining of kinsfolk is so important? Why do you think marriage is important?

When we mention polygamy we have to look at its historical context because at that time polygamy was used as political means to bridge ties to other tribes. Even kings from different nations would marry the daughters of other kings from other nations while still married to their previous spouse. Because we live in modern times it is best to conform to monogamy because society has intellectually evolved into a more traditional family: one man, one woman. God even says in the Qur'an that it is best to stay with one woman and only uses polygamy as an additional option but in no way God puts polygamy before monogamy in the Qur'an. It is not only hypocritical of a man to say the intensity of chaeating is lesser than that of a woman but its not in accordance to Islamic teaching.

I can remember a time where a Muslimah told me she loved me and later called me one night and told me: "While I was with you I was also planning my marriage." Of course it hurt me but it greatlky hurts her because she has made an oath to God to have desire for her husband and no other and she violated that. As Allah as mentioned in his precious book that all who do sin and not reflect sincerely on what they've done she get a recourse of what they've done.

Walai Kum As Salaam,

From what you say the thing that stands out in this subject is that when a man cheats it is unlike the woman.

Yes, that is because men and women are different and their desires and responsibilities are different. I will even say they can cheat each other only in totally different manners.

but if a woman cheats it at best hurts both the man and the woman as well as the cheater.

I am not sure about the cheater part. I don't know, perhaps because I am not a cheater :D.

When a man cheats and is Muslim and is married he is transgressing from God's law.

Yeah, I agree. Muslim should not need any "justification" for following any of the religious laws. I was answering to KIM. She had posted something about the subject, somewhere. I forgot where she had posted it, therefore I posted my opinion about it here (when she replied to my first post in this thread). I gave a secular justification of polygamy.

In the words of one of the world's greatess human beings Buddha

He was not great. He was a Kaafir. He taught about foregoing all of the desires. He preached celibacy etc. That is unislamic. Overall, I think people who renounce all the desires of life to be pretending to be great, while they are only simply weak-hearted to face life.

Why do you think the sustaining of kinsfolk is so important? Why do you think marriage is important?

That is to worship Allah. and Allah gave us emotions to help us worship Him. Our emotions are not end in themselves, they are only means.

Because we live in modern times it is best to conform to monogamy because society has intellectually evolved into a more traditional family:

I don't think people have intellectually "evolved". They have become more godless. World Wars were fought in the modern era. In the Cold War, both the "great" superpowers threaten to destroy all of the humanity (that cannot be denied, because they actively deployed their missiles to do it).In my country, I see most of the people who have adopted Western culture, care less about their parents and prefer to live in nuclear families. Look at the standard of the movies in the West, now. Now, they are openly showing nude/sex scenes. Even 30 years back, I think, that was unthinkable. The Western civilization is certainly in downswirl (ofcourse, no society is perfect, but West is certainly degrading very fast).

It is not only hypocritical of a man to say the intensity of chaeating is lesser than that of a woman but its not in accordance to Islamic teaching.

I accept, monogamy is better compared to polygamy. But what quality do you think I am simulating to be called a hypocrite (by the way)??!!! As far as I know, equating adultery by husband to that by a wife is a modern Western concept (that has nothing to do with Islam).

I can remember a time where a Muslimah told me she loved me and later called me one night and told me: "While I was with you I was also planning my marriage."

But she wasn't married to you.