Why (and how) women cheat?

ZamanH wrote: Are you saying a man can sleep around but a woman mustn't? No, not at all. If a man has sex outside marriage, at worst, he can be deceiving another man, but not his own wife. I was justifying polygamy.

ZamanH wrote: I WAS NOT JUSTIFYING ADULTERY.Dammit.A man who commits adultery IS certainly wrong. The entire arguement is over the reason as to  WHY is he wrong. My point is, he is wrong because he decieves father/husband/family of the woman he commits adultery with,only. But he certainly does not betrays his wife by doing that.

I need to correct myself, you were indeed trying to justify "polygamy", not adultery.  but I dont understand how, where it looks like you are justifying the act of adultery.

can you please explain further, how you can justify polygamy,  in respect to a man who is actually "deceiving" a family?

Polygamy is not deciet. In fact the very idea of polygamy is to avoid so many other social evils which come into picture when there are relationships outside marriage, rather than within marriage.

The man who is commiting adultery is not only deceiving the father/husband of the woman, he is aslo deceiving his own wife and children. Why do u not want to consider the deciet in his own home as a crime?

Maa salaama,

Nausheen

By the Way as sister Nausheen mentions when you justify infidelity and retack what you say later that is not only being hypocritical but contradictory...Oh BTW I like the comment about equating cheating equal between a man and a woman as a "Western concept" and is unislamic. Unfortunately yor mindset is not Islamic in this case because Allah says in the Qur'an that all sin (save Shirk) is repentable hence all are equal since sin is a transgression of God's law. So if a man cheats the intensity of his sin is as great as a woman who sins.

BTW that little comment I posted earlier I also would like to add that if an engaged woman is also engaged to another man (two men mind you) she is committing adultry. Like I said its scary you can't tell the difference between transgression and fidelity. Scary

Assalaualaikum Zaman,

First of all, you have said in one of your posts that you were justifying adultry, and then you go on to say that u were not ... confusing. I dont have time to uote everything, so this will be short and quick, pls excuse me for the haste.

You say, whne a man cheats he cheats only the other man (by soliciting a relationship with his wife), and in course he does not cheat his wife. This is not comprehensible. marriage is not just a contract on paper, it binds two ppl emotionally and spiritually. The love, the trust, the sharing that exists between two people, is mercilessly massacred in a cheating. There may not be a material harm to the wife, whose husband is cheating on her, but it does damage the bond.

The trust is lost. The woman may loose her self confidence, the joy and pleasure she takes in living and making his house .... and you are trying to say this is not cheating, not harm? or that it is a lesser harm?

Can you explain why  is the harm less? And why is the other man harmed more? Is it because his ego, his respect in the society marred when his wife is cheating on him? Is it not same for the woman whose man is cheating on her?

You said prophet(SAW) did not say much about men treating their wives in his last sermon. I suggest you read the last sermon. He said the best of you is one who treats his wife best. And he said you must treat your wives with kindness. Cheating is not the best treatment and it is no where even close to kindness.

Maa salaama,

Nausheen

Walai Kum As Salaam,

From what you say the thing that stands out in this subject is that when a man cheats it is unlike the woman.

Yes, that is because men and women are different and their desires and responsibilities are different. I will even say they can cheat each other only in totally different manners.

but if a woman cheats it at best hurts both the man and the woman as well as the cheater.

I am not sure about the cheater part. I don't know, perhaps because I am not a cheater :D.

When a man cheats and is Muslim and is married he is transgressing from God's law.

Yeah, I agree. Muslim should not need any "justification" for following any of the religious laws. I was answering to KIM. She had posted something about the subject, somewhere. I forgot where she had posted it, therefore I posted my opinion about it here (when she replied to my first post in this thread). I gave a secular justification of polygamy.

In the words of one of the world's greatess human beings Buddha

He was not great. He was a Kaafir. He taught about foregoing all of the desires. He preached celibacy etc. That is unislamic. Overall, I think people who renounce all the desires of life to be pretending to be great, while they are only simply weak-hearted to face life.

Why do you think the sustaining of kinsfolk is so important? Why do you think marriage is important?

That is to worship Allah. and Allah gave us emotions to help us worship Him. Our emotions are not end in themselves, they are only means.

Because we live in modern times it is best to conform to monogamy because society has intellectually evolved into a more traditional family:

I don't think people have intellectually "evolved". They have become more godless. World Wars were fought in the modern era. In the Cold War, both the "great" superpowers threaten to destroy all of the humanity (that cannot be denied, because they actively deployed their missiles to do it).In my country, I see most of the people who have adopted Western culture, care less about their parents and prefer to live in nuclear families. Look at the standard of the movies in the West, now. Now, they are openly showing nude/sex scenes. Even 30 years back, I think, that was unthinkable. The Western civilization is certainly in downswirl (ofcourse, no society is perfect, but West is certainly degrading very fast).

It is not only hypocritical of a man to say the intensity of chaeating is lesser than that of a woman but its not in accordance to Islamic teaching.

I accept, monogamy is better compared to polygamy. But what quality do you think I am simulating to be called a hypocrite (by the way)??!!! As far as I know, equating adultery by husband to that by a wife is a modern Western concept (that has nothing to do with Islam).

I can remember a time where a Muslimah told me she loved me and later called me one night and told me: "While I was with you I was also planning my marriage."

But she wasn't married to you.