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What would you do if your spouse went to bars ?
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Pati View Drop Down
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Points: 304 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Pati Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 July 2010 at 2:40pm
Originally posted by sarahangela sarahangela wrote:

I don't know. I kind of feel that my husband is young, wants to have fun and sees other Muslims drinking so feels he should enjoy himself. He doesn't see anything wrong with it.
 
I just feel that every weekend is quite excessive.
 
I don't think that suggesting we do things on the weekend will change his behavior. I don't stay out till 3AM. We do things during the day and he just leaves and parties all night.
 
Honestly, I feel like I have tried everything.
I understand what you mean, but also, you have to understand that alcohol is a drug that make people feel free. That's why there are so many alcoholic in this world, because lot of people are feeling shy to say or to do things that drinking they can do or say, so they start using it and finally, they cannot stop.
 
I cannot tell you any other thing. I know other couples with the same problem, and the girl fixed it going with them, or leaving the house, or... well, doesn't matter. But you have to make him forget the existance of his friends. I understand that you don't know how to do it, but if you do it with love, you will see. Just make him choose in natural way.
 
Good luck.
Patricia
No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
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Pati View Drop Down
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Points: 304 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Pati Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 July 2010 at 2:47pm
Originally posted by fais fais wrote:

hello,

 patty its so easy for women to win over a man,unfortunatly we men find so difficult if the wife is angry.

I don't agree, fais.
 
We are so simple, that a man can control our lives with a simple expresion such as "I love you", even if they don't offer any other thing.
 
If the love is there, we are weak, we have no power, no opinion, and we just want to stay with the man. And when a woman loves a man, she knows how to make him happy, how to play with him, as I said.
 
About an angry wife... there are angry wives, and angry husbands, the most important is not to make this situation last in the time. I mean, if your husband is angry, you have to try to fix it before going to the bed, so the morning after he will not be angry and you can talk quietly about it and understand.
 
And opposite, in case the wife is angry, the husband should be nice with her and understand that maybe, the question is not if she or he is angry, but only to give the space to be.
 
We all get angry from time to time, but what we have to do is to control ourselves so the other can understand that we need time.
 
And I insist, we have to work hard to avoid going to the bed angry. Myself, I learned it from my family and it works. We may be angry from each other, but kiss him/her before going to the bed. You never know what is going to happen the morning after and better not to regret.
 
Kind regards
Patricia
No God wants the killing, but the peace.
The weapons are carried by people, not by religions.
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fais View Drop Down
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Points: 344 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote fais Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 July 2010 at 10:06pm

Hello Patti,

I completely agree with what you said,i will use your formulas to maintain peace in my house.
 
It is very much necessary that a couple should go on bed with good feelings for eachother.
 
Regards
Faisal
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Hayfa View Drop Down
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Points: 2368 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hayfa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 July 2010 at 5:43pm
Asalaam Alaikum,

Well you want him to stop drinking. Drinking alcohol is haram.

my family is not Muslim. There are some family members I avoid as they have trouble with alcohol.

What was interesting when my uncle -nonMuslim- married his current wife (we was a widower) he drank. She said if he doesn't stop, she is out of there. She won't live with it. He stopped. And they are not Muslim.

Its what you'll deal with it and be willing to deal with. Me, have to say it would end or I would be gone. But that's me.

It is interesting what we won't bend on... we are all so different.
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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sarahangela View Drop Down
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Points: 8 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sarahangela Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 July 2010 at 10:21am
Well, I think that being more religious is the strongest option I have to allow my husband to reflect on his behavior.

I do know that he comes from a religious family, and one of the most religious parts of the middle east. I think that being in America, a lot of people run with the idea of letting loose because there isn't so much social pressure to be a certain way. I think that living in either extreme isn't beneficial, and moderation is more realistic in terms of religion.

I just have witnessed enough people fall victim to alcohol and completely loose control and I would hate for him to go through life in such a way.
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