praying for a miracle

Hello everyone,


I am new to this forum and I am hoping to get some advice from my fellow muslim sisters. Due to my age, my knowledge of Islam is limited to my own understanding and personal research. I don't have anyone to ask anything around me so I'm hoping that this forum will guide me in some way towards healing.

My life the past two years has been very traumatic in many ways and I hope that praying will heal me. I was wanting to know if there are any special prayers I can do in order to recover from all these horrible experiences?

In the past year, my house got robbed and I caught the thief in my room. Being a female and alone I was terrified. I got bashed and unfortunately had some damage that occurred in my body. As a result I now suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. I have so much anxiety in darkness and when I'm alone I start crying from being soo scared.I start sweating randomly if I start to panic. Due to this burglary I also lost 6 months of my studies at university so had to repeat subjects. I couldn't graduate with my friends. I lost my part-time job the only income I had. My family aren't wealthy and this whole thing really hit us hard as we didn't have insurance for our home. My mum and dad had a terrible divorce which is still ongoing. My mum is sick at the moment due to stress and menopause. Her brother got kidnapped and it has all upset us so much. We pray that the police finds him everyday and that he is ok. On top of all this, due to having open cuts and wounds I got an infection from an infected towel so now I have a viral disease. I went to so many doctors and there is no cure for it. I am now a carrier of a horrible and disgusting disease. I have so much daily pain physically and emotionally. I have no idea what to do anymore. I just want to quit everything. I don't enjoy life as I once did anymore and I don't think I ever can. This whole experience has taken so much from me and I feel like a different person. Food has no taste for me and I just am jealous of people around me who are soo happy..


I still thank god for all he has given me and I know there are people in the world that are a lot worse than me.. However still it doesn't make the pain I feel everyday go any less.

I don't think I can ever get married and have a family. Due to being a carrier it puts lots of health risks if I had a husband in the future. I can a disease which can be passed onto someone and I couldn't live with the thought of ruining someone's life. I have friends getting engaged and getting married now..I'm just so upset that I have to live in this shame right now.

I am so upset everyday and i cry so much from pain. I have no inner peace left inside and I just feel so sad and horrible. It just makes the sickness I have a lot worse. I sometimes wish to go to sleep and never wake up. But I know that no matter how hard the situation is its a sin to want to die and to wish for it.

I really don't understand why this has happened to me. I always tried to be a good person in my 20 years of life and I just cant think of something terribly wrong that I have done to upset God so much. I beat myself to death with what I might have done to cause this much suffering in my life.

I understand that God tests us in this life to see if we have faith in hard times but I just can't understand why all of this has happened in such a short time span? I feel like God hasn't even given me a second chance. The doctors have given me terrible news in my condition. I feel so hopeless and alone. I try to keep all this information to myself so my mum doesn't get upset any further..

I feel like there is only so much pain my body and spirit can take.. I look around everyone and I try to see the ways God has tested them but they just seem so insignificant compared to my own situation. Every person I know got a second chance from God and I feel like I no chance in making this whole thing go around the other way. I feel like even if I try and become the best person in the world nothing will change due to having this disease.

According to doctors I can never get rid of it as it has invaded my nerves system. I just want to be free from this and be back to old self again. I hate getting discriminated and shamed in public for having this. I want to wake up in the morning with peace inside. I just feel like the worst person in the world. God is testing me with something I will have to live with for the rest of my life...and I just cant understand why. I don't have enough life experience to even deal with this right now.

I know I'm a terrible muslim for even thinking this way but I'm just so exhausted from crying myself to sleep everyday the past year. I wish I was a stronger person and a better muslim. Maybe if I was this might have never happened. I feel like God is punishing me and I am still trying to understand the reasons why.

All i want in my life is a miracle to get this disease out my body. I want God to give orders to the viruses he created so they can leave me alone and leave my body for good. I just want this miracle.

I want to go out with my friends and live my youth like the rest of my age group instead of staying home in bed. I don't want any money or material things in life. All i want is my healthy body back and inner peace so I can continue living to the fullest. I miss being happy. I cant remember the last time I felt genuinely happy since all of this has happened. I don't want to live off medication for the rest of my life. Everyday I have a reminder on my body of what happened and it hurts so much to relive those bad memories again. I hate having this disease and the pain it brings it to my life. It brings so much shame to me and my family. I feel like I'm living in hell.

I have been drinking zam zam water and we have been praying into the water. Is there any special prayers or things I can do to change the situation around? Is asking for a miracle from God too much?

If someone can offer me some advice I would really appreciate it as I am all alone and have no one to talk to.

Thanks a lot in advance.

As salaamoalaikum. I agree with repent15. I am so sorry that you have experience difficulties in your life. and at this moment you are not feeling secure within yourself. There are a lot of people who are suffering with incurable diseases but they still remain happiness. Happiness has to come from within. You can not change the things that are out of your control. And you must be able to focus on the things that you can control, example, your individual happiness. How you think about things in life and the choices you make in life will all contribute to your happiness. So no matter what someone does to you or what kind of life experience you have, happiness is still something that only you can chose for yourself. I have met many from all walks of life who were given HIV, Cancer, who is an alcoholic, or extremely poor. And from my experience of meeting many different people, I find that the ones who have been inflicted with a lot of hardship such as I have mentioned, they seem to try their best to be the most happy people. They try not to take life forgranted.    Of course, you have some who are sad because of their life experiences. Even if you meet someone who seems so happy,there are things in her/his life that makes him/her sad. But they still made the decision to be happy. Like what repent15 recommended, you can start off following some of that advice and then think of things you can do to make you happy. You also need to accept your life as it is and live it to the fullest. I wish you much happiness and peace.