Say not even “Fie” to Parents

INTRODUCTION

In America there are many special days set aside to honor and appreciate special people. Some of these are: Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Grandfather’s Day, Grandmother’s Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, etc. We do realize the significance of these occasions and we recognize the ideas, ideals, and philosophies of such days. We appreciate the efforts of those who initiated these occasions for the recognition and appreciation of special people.

As for the appreciation of parents, we admire the efforts of children who remember their parents on such occasions by sending them greeting cards and gifts. However, we hope that the appreciation is not for one single day in a year, but for every day throughout the year. 

PARENTS IN QURAN

A child should respect and appreciate his or her parents every day throughout the year. Allah has asked human beings to recognize their parents after recognition of Allah Himself. Throughout the Quran, we notice that parents are mentioned with appreciation and with respect, even if they are senile. In Surah Al-Isra’ (Children of Israel) there is a very beautiful description of how parents are to be treated. Allah says:

"Your Lord had decreed, that you worship none save Him, and (that you show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with you, say not "Fie" unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both, as they did care for me when I was young."   [Quran 17:23-24]

The recognition and respect of parents is mentioned in the Quran eleven times; in every instance, Allah reminds children to recognize and to appreciate the care and love they have received from their parents. In the following verse, Allah demands that children recognize their parents:

"We have enjoined on humankind kindness to parents."  [Quran 29:8 and 46:15]

1.   The demand for recognizing parents is made more emphaticly when Allah says in the Quran:

"And (remember) when We made a covenant with the children of Israel, (saying): worship none save Allah (only), and be good to parents…" [Quran 2:83]

2.   In Surah Al-Nisaa’ (The Women) Allah emphasizes again that children should be kind to their parents.

"And serve Allah. Ascribe nothing as partner unto Him. (Show) Kindness unto parents… " [Quran 4:36]

3.   The same directive is repeated again In Surah Al An’Am (The Cattle), where Allah says:

"Say: Come, I will recite unto you that which your Lord has made a sacred duty for you; that you ascribe nothing as partner unto Him and that you do good to parents…" [Quran 6:151

MOTHERS

Although Islam has clear directives to honor and respect both parents, mothers are given particular gratitude and respect. This attitude of Islam is understood if we realize the hardships and the suffering that mothers experience in their lives. In this regard, Prophet Muhammad said:

It was narrated by Abu Hurairah (R) that a man came to the Prophet and asked him, ‘Who is to be close to my friendship?’ The Prophet answered:

Your mother, your mother, your mother, then your father, then the one closest to your kinship, and the one after.

Islam has endorsed respect for parents by their children even if the parents are non-Muslims. Only if parents coerce their children against Islam, then the children have the right not to obey their parents, but they are still to be good to them. In this regard, Allah says in Surah Luqman:

"And We have enjoined upon man concerning his parents–his mother beareth him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years–Give thanks unto Me and unto your parents. Unto Me is the journeying. But if they strive with you to make you ascribe unto Me as partner that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Consort with them in the world kindly, and follow the part of him who repents unto Me. Then unto Me will you return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.–" [Quran 31:14-15

MORE RESPECT

Islam teaches us that respect for parents comes immediately after praying to Allah and before Jihad (struggle and striving in the way of Allah). In this respect, the Prophet said the following:

Narrated by Abi Abder Rahman Abdullah bin Massoud (May Allah be pleased with him) saying: I asked the Prophet , "which deed is more liked by Allah?" He replied, "Prayers on time." Then I asked, "Which one is next?" He said, "Goodness to parents." Then I asked, "Then which one is next?" He said, "Jihad in the way of Allah." (Agreed)

In Islam, respect for parents is so great that the child and his wealth are considered to be the property of the parents. In this regard, the Prophet said:

Narrated by Aisha that a person came to the Prophet to resolve his dispute with his father regarding a loan given to the father. The Prophet said to the person, "You and your wealth are to your father."

FINAL REMARKS

We hope and we pray that all of us will respect our parents while they are alive and even after they pass-away. You may honor your parents after they die through the following methods:

  1. Make daily Du’a (prayer) for them
  2. Give a charity on their behalf
  3. Institute a perpetual charity on their behalf – such as a Masjid, an Islamic Center, an Islamic Library, an Islamic hospital, an orphanage, a senior citizen’s home, etc.
  4. Perform Hajj on their behalf or ask someone to do so.
  5. Read Quran on their behalf
  6. Distribute Islamic Literature on their behalf

Let us pray to Allah that we will do our best to respect our parents, to honor them, to be kind to them, to help them, and to please them for the love of Allah.

O Allah! Accept our humble prayers and make us obedient servants to you.

O Allah! Help us to be respectful children to our parents. Ameen.



By: ahmad h. sakr | Source: IslamiCity | Category: Articles, Faith, Featured, Society | Topic: parents | Values: respect | Views: 40,297 | Comments: 52

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52 Comments

  1. Assalaamualikum!

    This is a very good article. I should congradulate Dr. Ahmad H. Sakr for coming up with such an article. It was an wonderful effort to bring one of the important and one of the most beautiful aspect of Islam which is getting neglected these days. may ALLAH give us all toufeeq to understand and practice our religion.

    Ameen

  2. I would like to thank Allah for blessing you to place the article on parents and mothers in particular on your site. Having said that when I initially reverted to Islam I was in a masjid that was very strict and abandoned all things associated to America or the Dunya.

    I have been very confused about what “holidays” to recognize and which not to. Last year I did not get my mother anything for mothers day however this year I plan on getting her a card to show her that I do appreciate her. I hope by doing this that I am not doing anything against islamic teachings.

    Thanks again and if anyone has anything to add to this please feal free to email me at

    webb7003@yahoo.com.

    Asalamu alakuim

  3. i express my deep gratitiude to islamicity for showing the correct path and revealing the significance of mother in our life.certainly mother is the backbone of a child’s life.without mother’s support a child cannot lead his life on the right track.there are many unfortunate people who do not get their mother’s love.but still their cherish their relationship with their mother.in the end i would like to say that we should live up to our mother’s expectations and give her all our love and affection.I bow down to respect this beautiful relationship of a son or a daughter with his or her mother.i also thank the almighty who has bestowed this relationship to his followers.

  4. Excellent article.I visit this website regularly and each time I find many articles on war and US related topics but few on basic philosophy of islam or how to be a better muslim.

  5. My sicnere appreciation. Thank you Islamicity and Dr. Ahmad Sakr for taking time and bringing this beautiful short article just before the forthcoming Mother’s Day (May 11th,2003).

    Islamicity, you have been bringing many good and educational articles. Please do continue.

    Dr. Sakr thank you for presenting this article.

    Assalaam.

  6. Salaam-

    This site could DEFINATELY use more articles like this.

    Islam is alive and well and we should not forget that because Arabs are suffering because of the CRIMINALS that run their lands.

  7. Peace be upon you!!

    This is a phenomenol and a very insightful article. If you think about it, the sole purpose of the article serves the importance of having parents, in a truly Islamic way. We as Americans, dissolve ourselves in the western way of celebrating Mother’s Day, where we should really be perceiving things with the eyes of Islam.

    I’d also like to throw in a word of compliment for bringing out this amazing website. I love browsing it, everytime I get to learn something new, especially when people like me, who are on their way to explore their religion more profoundly. Great job there!!

  8. Execelent article. It is a “should read” article for the new generation, especially those in U.S. that call the social whenever there is a disagreement with their parents. God bless you.

  9. Nowadays, Old age homes & creche for children

    have considerably increased. Children no longer

    care for their old parents . Old age is being

    considered as a disease. Any believer in Allah who reads this article will really start respecting his/her parents.Thanks to the author who has quoted beautiful verses from Holy Quran also. Valhamdulilllahi rabbil Aalameen.

  10. Mashallah it is very concise and good article to teach our childrens the true respect and iqlaq towards parents and elders..

    jazakallah khair

  11. A great reminder for all of us. We don’t realise how tough it is being a parent until we are parents ourselves. Do we need any more evidence that Allah(swt) is our creator – who understands His creation better than the Creator?

  12. Regarding the status of parents, it is said that Jannah (Paradise) lies beneath your mother’s feet and your father is a door to the Jannah. We have to love and respect both equally. This statement gives equal improtance to both parents in a sense that we cannot enter Jannah without entering through its doors.

  13. I think what was said in this article couldnt be more right because I believe that the respect for parents have decreased dramatically. This is not is occuring with people of all religions,and unfortunatly with muslim families too. I think the idea of respecting our parents should be inforced much much more. Thank you for listening tomy comment and asalamualaikum warahmetullah hiwabarakatuh

  14. This artical is awesome i even printed some pages to share with my friends at school.It doesn’t matter your culture or religion you should always show your parents respect

  15. This article has given me alot to think about, because sometime one forgets the importance of obedience to parents and one must keep in mind that jannah lies at the feet of the mother and the father is the gate to jannah. May Allah give all the tafeeq to honour our parent and serve them well

  16. Subhanallah! my dearest mother is not perfect nor I but I must show her respect which I have failed to do in the past. However by reading this eye opening article inshallah i will intend to show more mercy than ever before to my dear mother. Jazzahkallah khairn for this beautiful Article

  17. Salaam Aleikoum

    Although I fully agree that parents should be respected and revered, the delicate question arises of what to do when a parent is wrong and is trying to impose his/her will on a child. Unfortunately not every parent has the wellbeing of their children at heart.There are times when great injustice is done and it is of no use to pretend these things do not happen. What to do ?

    May Allah show us the way for He knows best.

  18. assalaykumwa rahmatullahi wa barakatu

    mashallah this article is great and it made me think about treating my parents with more respect but what holds me from obeying my parents is that they dont give me the care i deserve i kkow that that should still obey my parents no matter what looks like im just have to get used to it if i want a obedient servent it hard sometimes but trough this article i found courage

    shukran and jazakallaho kharion

    wa salamo alaykom wa rahmatullahi wa barakato

  19. May Allah bless you for constatnly reminding us of our duties towards Allah and His Prophet and toward our Parents. More greece to your elbow.

  20. Allahu Akbar.

    What a beautiful article. This reminds someone of one of the aspect of Islam in greater need in the West especially USA, where I learnt it is possible for a person to take any one of his parent to court on the slightest provocation. In fact, a parent can be picked up for slapping his child by the police! All these in the name of FREEDOM being offered by DEMOCRAZY. What an irony. Well we will not waver as I urge all Americans to embrace Islam, practice the religion the way it should be and the peace and tranquility that will reign amidst parents and their offsprings, brothers, sisters, and all men and women of all races and color will know no bounds.

    I bid all peace.

  21. JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRIN

    I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS TRUE MESSAGE, IF WE BELEIVE IN ALLAH & THE LAST DAY, THEN LETS DO AS HE SAYS

    WE NEED TO BE GOOD TO OUR PARENTS NO MATTER WHAT….AT TIMES IT GET A BIT DIFFICULT BUT WITH ALLAH’S HELP ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE…

    AGAIN JAZAKALLAHU KHAIRIN TO THE WRITER.

  22. I believe it should be said that the “holiday” of Mother’s Day is in recognition of the great contribution of all mothers. I have been asked “why just one day?” I think the sentiment is certainly offered everyday of our lives, but we should be honest and say that not everyone and even the most loving, appreciative and attentive child gives thanks for their mother everyday. Why not as a reminder, to the many who get caught up in daily living and struggles, to say what is already known, your mother is worthy of your time and attention. Don’t look down on the idea of “a day”. I have been told by some of my Muslim friends that it does not make sense to have such a day. That is a way for them say how unattached Americans are to their family members and only with this day do we show or even fake appreciation for our mothers. Sad to say but no one is perfect, but I am more than sure that even the most out of touch American can still love their mother everyday and not show it in tangible ways, just as others can. We know for sure that people far too often are taken for granted. They should know that you care. If you can take someone for granted 364 days of the year and even on this “one day” turn your nose up at it also, then do it. Otherwise use this day and the time around it to think about what someone else is feeling and thinking and humble yourself and say on this day “Thank You”. I don’t find this silly or unnecessary, because I know that my love and appreciation are expressed clearly to my loved ones whenever I have contact with them, and that is not just once a year. Sometimes we go out of our way to make sure that we are keeping others humble, happiness is not a sin.

  23. it realy touched me.and i prayed too that any other persons that read it will feel desame too.to correct his/her mistakes ie to obey his parents.thanks i really appreciate this acticle.

  24. Article is good! but the final suggestions I have problem!! How can you Read Quran & Ask someone to do Hajj?? Its strange…… Where Quran is read for understanding for oneself during this lifetime in this world? Need Hadith to Proof the Points Please! But I know for sure if the sons does righteous deeds the parents automatically gets the reward!

  25. Al hamdullilah this article very interesting.it shows greatness of parents. if everyone abide to it there should be no old age home for our grand parents.

  26. The article is educative and spititual reguvinating may Allah continue to strenghten the organisation.

    It is quite challenging to spread this islamic position to the western world for them to has rethink on what islam stands for.

    Ma sallam

  27. may Allah reward you for this wonderful article.

    Ihave awife who does not respect my parents, Advise me on the sharia point of view.

    Wabillah Tawfiq

  28. assalamu’alaikum.very very intresting.is a topic that inculcate and rejuvenate a good servant mentality.we pray GOD to give you the financial muscle and strength to keep on the good job.

  29. this is really a good and captivating article for young Islamic student because right now in my country we young and aspiring islamic student are easilly derailled by some of the things we see. things like almost nude ladies in our campuses here and there so i would like to suggest that articles relating to that be madavailable

  30. I am deeply moved by this article. It is beautiful. we should all remember our parents cared for us when we were young. It is our turn to care, respect and look after them when they are old. We must always be respectful to them.

  31. that is so true…question what if a parent was a muslim but turned against islam then turned against you for staying a muslim. Then what do you respect then. What to do if your parent tells you to convert and you refuse and they ban you from their home…are they still worthy of respect?

  32. Asalamu’Aleykum May Allah Subhanawaala reword you and the organization, Jizakumulah Khyar, May Allah make us all those who Obedient their parents and recognizes them and be appreciative while you have them because we don’t how long.

    Khar insha Allah

  33. I am a revert to Islam and I am truly blessed that I have been brought back to the right path. I compltely accept and agree with eh Quranic guidelines laid down in respect to Mothers. Could you please enlighten me as to what is to be done or what the Quran/ Sunnah advises when a Mother herself is manipulating, partial, supporting thse who are wrong and the cause for all the unrest and chaos in he family and does not have nay respect or listen to her husband.

  34. There is an Islamic cyber counselling portal under the title: islamonline (dot) net. You can post your question there and InShAllah you’ll get some answers.

    You can also search the question bank and see if someone has already asked this or related question before.

  35. Selamu’aleykum.

    When I read this article, I had to cry.

    It’s so sad,because sometimes you forget about having done a mistake, i.e. treating your parents wrong.I think I really like IslamiCity, because they show the ways of Islam in a very beautiful way that is referring to our daily life.May Allah forgive our mistakes we have done in the past and we still do!

    W.S.

  36. Jazakumullahu kairon to the writer and to the muslim community Amin…. May Allah bless our parents…..amin… Especially my MOM…..

  37. Those whose parents are still alive and lucky to serve them dutifully would be a means of gaining Allah’s pleasure and a ticket of Jannah them.So it is an opportunity for all those whose parents are alive to serve them. Once they leave this Duniya and gone to the Hereafter a person would be regretting for not serving them.So we should pray Allah to give taufiq to everyone to serve his/her parent so as to gain the pleasure of Allah in both Duniya and Akhirah.Opportunity once lost can never be regained.

  38. Dear,

    Jazal Allah Khair for this. Under article Say not even “Fie” to Parents, the sura “Your Lord had decreed, that you worship none save Him…..”

    It is not SAVE, it is “EXCEPT HIM”

    Thank you

  39. I am a muslim female and all my life I had a problem with her. I feel like she

    only live my sister and sometimes I yell and screem at her which I don’t like. I’m so lost.

  40. My children have repeatedly disrespected me in tone and manner. I havebeen informed by

    my youngest that since this is her house..and she runs it like a college campus fraternity

    home witb 2 of her own minor children who livs here also. Shes 23 and im 44..she said to

    me she is grown and married and will run her household as she sees fit. I am only here

    because I had beome ill and do have a home in another state. I pray all the time and speak

    with herabout her household ghat has booze..liquor..drugs and all kind of stuff I did not

    raise her to imbibe. I dont want to cut her off becau6 of my grandchildren. .however I feel

    that I must do so. I got the clearance from my doctor that I can return home to my house in

    Va.

  41. Wow. My first time looking at your website and found this article. Even if your parents are non-Muslim you should respect them. That’s big of you. In Christianity we are called to love all including and especially our enemies.

    Regarding the mothers, how do you feel about the judgment in Sudan regarding the mother (pregnant no less) who is being sentenced to death for marrying a Christian? She’s a mother. Where’s the respect there?

    Just curious.

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