How to deal with difficult MIL

Suleyman wrote: Sister i do not say that the MIL acts a good thing,all i want to say is the problem should be solved in a polite way,calling the lawyer or saying that she is Monster In Law or other names are condemned as you see in the ayat,both of them should discuss the issue with the MIL in a polite way without breaking her heart,if they care this ayat then Allah will help them for solving their problems with MIL...we are all agreed on the same issue,no difference...

You are right, there should be no name calling, maybe it would be more economical for them to all live together?

I send my mother in law money monthly. She lives on $514 dollars per month. She  is Catholic. Catalina is a good woman and gets little help from her 7 children. I make good money as a nurse and my husband makes only enough to pay the bare utilities. I am putting myself through college for my master's, own the house I live in (it was mine before the marriage) and am caring for my (mentally thanks to the war in Iraq) disabled son while he exists in his own apartment, and I supplement his income when needed. He was a consciencious objector who was dc'd on a mental discharge while he was found crying inconsolably and  holding the remains of an Iraqi child outside a blown up masjid.He is a good son that does all he can for me by doing repairs on my home. I am helpin to pay for Pharmacy school this fall when my 3rd son starts, and shortly we will be helping the youngest son enter comunity college in the fall. Inshallah, we hope to make it to Haj in the next couple of years! On top of that, we help our 2 daughter with the grandchildren!  Nothing is impossible, even an impossible seeming mother in law!

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YUSUFALI: Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of Honor. 

Brother Suley it is not contempable to not send someone money for ludicrous things.

 Really she should be more obedient. She is her husband's responsibility, not her sons.

If she was starving, I could see it, but to pay for someones lasik eye surgery, that is vanity.

I would send her credit or a gift card from a site to purchase food or such necessities.

Not for plastic surgery.

17:26 And render to the kindred their due rights, as (also) to those in want, and to the wayfarer: But squander not (your wealth) in the manner of a spendthrift

So are we squandering our wealth if we are financing laser eye surgery for the purpose of vanity?

222dnallohc wrote: Thank you for all the responses :) MIL= mother in law (although it can also mean monster in law too I guess!) I feel so sorry for my husband.  He has always stood up for me, and never believes any of the stories she makes up.  He told his mother last night how she is making him feel (about not asking about the baby), and she proceeded to make up additional stories about me, accuse me of not really being a Muslim, told him I ate pork in front of her, and said some pretty nasty words to him that I cant even repeat here.  I told him I dont want to know the bad things she said.  Basically she said she does not accept our marriage (even though we have been married for 10 years almost) and that she doesnt accept her grand daughter either.  Now I know why he didnt want to talk to her about it...because I think he knew what she was going to say and he just didnt want to hear it. I feel very sorry for this woman...I really do believe now she is a sick person and needs help.  I have to keep remembering that what she does is between her and Allah...she will have to answer for it some day.  Ive decided to give up trying to find a solution, because there is no solution.  I will continue to keep my distance, but encourage my husband to send whatever money he thinks he can afford each month, and continue talking to her.  I think if he just keeps all his conversations with her focused on HER and nothing else, she will be happier and will leave me alone inshAllah.  All I need to know is if she ever makes any threats against me or our baby, she hasnt yet, because if she does I WILL take some kind of legal action to protect us.  I often fear that thats what this may come to eventually....its scary.  My husband did confide in me about a couple of very physically abusive incidents that happened to him when he was a child around 9 or 10, things his mother did.  So I always have that in the back of my mind...she is capable of physically hurting someone. Our little girl will have a wonderful grandmother, my mom, who is so excited about her arrival.  Shes been more of a mother to my husband lately in all the hard times he has been through...while his own mother wasnt there for him emotionally in any way, even when he was on medical disability for three months last year, and even when he lost his job because of it...she didnt act like she even cared. I am going to try my very best to put this situation behind me and stop stressing about it, its hard to do, but we are very happy together and our lives will be even more full of joy when our daughter arrives.

Is this woman in the states? I would contact a lawyer and sue here for slander if she were:

No wonder your father in law sends her money to stay away! She should get off her kiester and get a job if she chooses to be so extranvagant. if I were your husband I would send her NOTHING,

She does not deserve it if she is slandering the fruits of her own loins.

She will answer to Allah (swt) for her disobedience. Foster relations with the FIL... Your husbands first concern should be his wife and  child, not an ungrateful and blackmailing mother.

Peace be to you and your family sister, Inshallah this woman will find another place to spend her bitterness and hatred, she will have to answer for her actions on the Last DAy.

May Allah bless your sins dear brides,

When you will reach to their ages you will understand what a mistake you made then will begin to cry trying to turn back and saying it's my turn,i did to my MIL and now me seeing the same things from my son's bride with understanding what a bad thing you did in the past...i know the story and it's end,no way to escape if you made a mistake like that,you value the issue from an absent perspective,you will see the whole perspective when you become a MIL but it will be too late to correct,you know time has no mercy and these kind of issues beside Allah has no exception,sharp price it includes....

017.023
YUSUFALI: Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of Honor. 
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YUSUFALI: And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood." 
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YUSUFALI: Your Lord knoweth best what is in your hearts: If ye do deeds of righteousness, verily He is Most Forgiving to those who turn to Him again and again (in true penitence).
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YUSUFALI: And render to the kindred their due rights, as (also) to those in want, and to the wayfarer: But squander not (your wealth) in the manner of a spendthrift.
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YUSUFALI: Verily spendthrifts are brothers of the Evil Ones; and the Evil One is to his Lord (himself) ungrateful.
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YUSUFALI: And even if thou hast to turn away from them in pursuit of the Mercy from thy Lord which thou dost expect, yet speak to them a word of easy kindness.
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YUSUFALI: Make not thy hand tied (like a niggard's) to thy neck, nor stretch it forth to its utmost reach, so that thou become blameworthy and destitute.
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YUSUFALI: Verily thy Lord doth provide sustenance in abundance for whom He pleaseth, and He provideth in a just measure. For He doth know and regard all His servants.
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YUSUFALI: Kill not your children for fear of want: We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you. Verily the killing of them is a great sin.
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YUSUFALI: Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils).
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YUSUFALI: Nor take life - which Allah has made sacred - except for just cause. And if anyone is slain wrongfully, we have given his heir authority (to demand qisas or to forgive): but let him not exceed bounds in the matter of taking life; for he is helped (by the Law).
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YUSUFALI: Come not nigh to the orphan's property except to improve it, until he attains the age of full strength; and fulfil (every) engagement, for (every) engagement will be enquired into (on the Day of Reckoning).
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YUSUFALI: Give full measure when ye measure, and weigh with a balance that is straight: that is the most fitting and the most advantageous in the final determination.
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YUSUFALI: And pursue not that of which thou hast no knowledge; for every act of hearing, or of seeing or of (feeling in) the heart will be enquired into (on the Day of Reckoning).
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YUSUFALI: Nor walk on the earth with insolence: for thou canst not rend the earth asunder, nor reach the mountains in height.
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YUSUFALI: Of all such things the evil is hateful in the sight of thy Lord.