How to deal with difficult MIL

As salamu Alaykum Sister Maryah,

Angela is one of our beloved sister that none of her words can be misunderstood from our sides,no problem about her words and i see nothing wrong inside,she has the right to say what she feels deeply from her heart,all i had to say was this woman is wrong but also the way of approaching to her we made is wrong also whatever she made or not,calling a mother�s behind as a oxymoron or monster in law,should not be! and unacceptable inside of ic society,i never remember to say that this woman has right to demand whatever she wants from her son...

Angela wrote: What kind of perspective leads a person (me i think) to think that its okay to demand from your son (with his pregnant wife living in a hotel) money for expensive cars, facials and clothes? 

Again  i repeat with regarding you, no way that i support her demands but the issue is more complex rather than throwing names on her,Let�s see the perspective then:

I am trying to finding the main road between two sides,brides and mother in laws,there are some perspectives you can't understand till to arriving to your elder days this is why i can't tell my issue...but when you reach these old days,you will see things are not going on the way beside the books...this is why i wanted to say please go also from the mother in laws's perspectives that something can be realized more also waiting you on your ends as they are the mothers highly experienced with their pasts whether in this thread�s mother is good or bad, we are trying to finding general solution Rather than throwing some anger to the issue which will not help us to solve their problems,are we ready to o a hard work or let we stay here like a wind passed and gone with a anger?,if you are ready, we should solve the issue politely without breaking their hearts because they see the world different than the other women which i am going to try to imitate a little bit on their situations� 

 Let we all imagine a little bit...

"Imagine that your are a mother, as an first consideration you are an woman,you have arrived to your older ages under the effects of loosing your womanity,your husband is anything rather than a guest watching tv in the house forgets to say his love on you more than a decade passed and nothing make sense on him more than a refrigerator,all life and it's beauties are frozen,entering to the streets inside the society seeing the women living their springs and comparing herself with them and  realizing that she looses her beauty,she sees her hands as not smooth as in the past,she sees she is not attractive as attractive she had to do in her past...things are changing and a heart of a woman can not hold these kind of changes if she had not taken serious education on Islam or something similar to.

Keep on imagining that you are getting older day by day while seeking the old days but something is pulling to you to your end,of course your ends has it's own beauty but a heart of a woman who has been left lonely or at least not understanding the things happens going inside,she can not hold these kind of processes...

She tries to find some gates for turning to the past then remembers her offsprings for a escape to prove that she still lives with the soul she has been protecting for awhile till to these older days, this is why grand mothers or MILs� highly seek their offsprings and want to see them on their besides,a son at the university and his expenses or living in home,his problems waiting to be solved is an great mission for a mother also the one chance of turning to her active younger days,this is the thing  she is only able to catch beside of the others she lived and finished.

Cares on them from their head to their toes,so deeply and passionly that sometimes the offsprings gets bore without seeing how her heart burns on their existences�

A grandson or a son;highly she cares and loves,she feels her existence inside of them but a time comes that suddenly shakens her soul with their marriage and their leaving the home,the last chance she found for surviving on this world flies with a bride,a bride who is younger and attractive,sweet and lovely takes all the considerations of her son on her to a another side ,but once more the mother in law becomes happy that she sees her son in the wedding,yes her success carried him to these days that she gets proud of the things happen but after awhile she realizes that something changes����������..

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After that side dear Angela,the mother in law has two ways to go, the first is for revenge and the other one is joining to the family still having her love from them�

Before knowing what she has chosen and why,let we all know that we can�t judge anyone from one side with only hearing one side�s words with an angerly making comments on

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YUSUFALI: O ye who believe! stand out firmly for Allah, as witnesses to fair dealing, and let not the hatred of others to you make you swerve to wrong and depart from justice. Be just: that is next to piety: and fear Allah. For Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.�

This is my perspective rather than adding any solution more than slogans or names also offering some money to that sister,these solutions are artificial solutions,coming to the real solution it needs heart and afford, all i have been calling to this rather than blaming,the perspective i live needs this and this is my honor can not be put under of foots from a one side looking and blaming  my deep thoughts�

As an result,if the mother seeks revenge under her feelings living that all her affords on her son gone to the air then we must call her smoothly that Allah all counted the things she had done in her past and she will be honored at the other world regarding her smoothly also with regarding her in this world while living,i believe she will relax after an period of refusing then i believe she will accept this noble perspective or at least we should go on that way for the name of Allah�

For this perspective i have remembered a conversation when i was at the army permanently doing my obligation,there was a man in the group who was causing some problems to us while we were praying beside our beds you know how they are in a large room normally at least 35 beds ordered on line from two sides,this man was getting angry of our prays while she was listening heavy metal,some of the soldiers were calling him please shut down they are praying then he was getting angry saying this is not up to my music they should enter our�day by day he became more angry,he was also the kick box champion of my country who is also a inspector in a  bank that so many soldiers were scaring to say him stop listening music while we pray�it was an big problem to deal with this person bcs he was refusing to discuss and things will go to fight will not be good for us you know he was the kick box champion�then one day he became ill that no one helped him while he was sleeping ill in his bed then i became beside of his bed and asked him if he needs something,he said no�i said ok�but it was not enough for me that i went to the restaurant and brought some delicious foods for him that he amazed when he saw bcs he was eating anything for two days and forgotten what a delicious meal can be�after that sweet happening he never refused to listen music while we pray,he switched off before we pray without our request�.this conversation proves the power of the first perspective!!! And her it�s ayat�..:

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YUSUFALI: Those who patiently persevere, seeking the countenance of their Lord; Establish regular prayers; spend, out of (the gifts) We have bestowed for their sustenance, secretly and openly; and turn off Evil with good: for such there is the final attainment of the (eternal) home,-

Then second perspective comes,f the mother jumps into the family with doing some works inside the house,please let her do with watering plants or washing the house or dishes or caring your littles,she really feels your happiness inside of your that she threats like that�please be patient� so many of brides does not give permission on that side�.but let her do bcs you are one of her last happiness�feel the treasure on your side�

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A person,brother Suleyman�.

Angela wrote: Suleyman wrote: May Allah bless your sins dear brides, When you will reach to their ages you will understand what a mistake you made then will begin to cry trying to turn back and saying it's my turn,i did to my MIL and now me seeing the same things from my son's bride with understanding what a bad thing you did in the past...i know the story and it's end,no way to escape if you made a mistake like that,you value the issue from an absent perspective,you will see the whole perspective when you become a MIL but it will be too late to correct,you know time has no mercy and these kind of issues beside Allah has no exception,sharp price it includes.... Maryah, No, I wasn't having a bad day....this is Suleyman's response that I was commenting on.... What kind of perspective leads a person to think that its okay to demand from your son (with his pregnant wife living in a hotel) money for expensive cars, facials and clothes?  This isn't about his Mother struggling to pay rent or buy food.  This isn't about his Mother just wanting some kind words and love from her family.  This is about a very selfish woman who is abusing her family by being selfish.  What I wanted is for Suleyman to realize that yes, we are to respect our parents, but there comes a time when you have to put your foot down.  He's asking people to see the whole perspective, but all he's seeing is the disagreement between DIL and MIL, he's not seeing the woman close to giving birth, struggling to make ends meet and having her MIL put undue stress in her life by demanding money they do not have for themselves.  He begs for the whole picture but he's not looking at it himself.

Sorry then I will watch my speech in the future as not to offend. I really hope you are doing well Angela, and will pray for the positive outcome that you desire. I think little people are NEAT!

Maryah

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Angela wrote: Maryah wrote: She is a non believer and is Catholic. Sorry Maryah, this is almost an oxymoron.  She's a believer in something if she's Catholic.  Perhaps, Non Muslim would be better.  It promotes more respect among the Peoples of the Book.  She would still be legal for a muslim man to marry.  She still believes in Allah, if not his Prophet.  I don't mean to derail the thread.  Its just a minor respect issue.  You would hate for me to call a Muslim a heathen or an infidel (a bad label whoever uses it).  Please, we should all be a bit more mindful and respectful towards each other. And, Suleyman.  You can respect your Parents without enabling them to live in an immoral or unjust way.  Yes, a man has a responsibility to his mother, but that doesn't mean he has to shower her with expensive gifts while his wife and unborn are living in a hotel without the barest necessities.  This woman is (in my opinion) stealing from her grandchildren and acting in a very greedy and undignified manner.  She should be taught a lesson.  But, the lesson should be out of love, not spite.

Bismallah

Angela, are we having a bad day or what? you just chastized Suley for something he did not say. It is NOT polite to chastize someone for something he did not say. Please reread his post. He was supporting being polite to the Mother in Law?

Hope you are OK, are you seeing that specialist?